I am grateful for dreams.
Can you imagine if we weren't allowed to hope for anything beyond our current situation? I'm very grateful for the fact that we can make plans, be excited about them, and then be okay with their not coming to fruition as well... we are allowed to be unpredictable, dreaming, hoping, forward looking creatures. In the last two months Lyndee and I have had dreams of going to Seminary, working in a needy neighborhood and owning a house, now going to Hawaii to minister as our passions and hearts are wired. I'm glad just thinking in those terms is okay...
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Forty Days of Gratitude: Day 1
I am very grateful for rest. Tonight we had Vespers, and it was such a good thing to simply SLOW DOWN and take a few breaths and thank God for being there constantly. I am very thankful for rest, and I am very thankful for restful ministry. I mean, come on- sing some songs and pray? Done. Stress about it? Not a chance.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Forty Days of Gratitude: the beginning
I'm going try something pretty intentional here. I'm going to blog for forty days and in each post present something from the day that warrants my gratitude. I'm going to try being very specific about it all, and basically just throw them out there for whoever you are to hear. I'm posting this for the sake of the intentionality in it, the "anonymous accountability" if you will. I'll start tomorrow, on April 21, 2010 and end on May 30, 2010 we'll see how it all went and hopefully a pattern and recognition of all the gracious things there are in my life will be instilled. Thanks for taking the time to read just a short intro.
We'll see how this goes :D
We'll see how this goes :D
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Re: Repetition of History
I think it’s time to spell something out.
We’ve come to a time in the formation of the church where we are repeating history, and it’s not a good thing.
Check out Acts 15:1-35
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%2015:1-35&version=NLT
The Jerusalem council of the first century was convened for a simple purpose, to decide whether or not it was in accordance with the message of the gospel to make gentile converts uphold Jewish tradition in their new faith. The controversy had much to do with circumcision, Sabbath, synagogue attendance, and obeying the Torah and then forming Talmud. The decision? “No”- upholding the Jewish cultural law was not going to become contingent and equal with the gospel of new life in Jesus Christ. They decided that the Gentile believers were just as much included in the blessing of God’s presence by manifestation of the Holy Spirit as the Jewish and Samaritan believers before them. The decision made history- but we have neglected to act in accordance with their wisdom. Instead, we have taken on the pride of these early Jews and decided that if church isn’t done in accordance with our traditions and with our cultural preferences, then it isn’t being done correctly. Some have criticized Western Christianity in this way, claiming moral outrage at such arrogance. Anymore I think the criticism is legitimate.
Do we not realize that we are not called to be a “church” (that is, the connotative definition of an assembly of people professing the same cognitive beliefs) as much as we are reborn to be a nation (that is, a people who by their way of life and adherence to particular original truths find themselves unified though they do not necessarily share space and/or time)? Let me suggest something very simple here- nations are bigger than churches. Christ died to redeem and purify for Himself a people of His very own. They same desire that the Father has expressed since the beginning of His interaction with humanity on this fallen world. But no, instead we reserve the right to decide what people must believe and do in order to be acceptable in our sight rather than look for God’s blessing on their affirmation of His work and love through Christ. When will we repent of this arrogance and stop asking cultures unlike our own to conform to our cultural and linguistic preferences before we accept them as brothers and sisters in faith? The missions movement is a wonderful thing, missions work is a wonderful thing, but let us not mistake the medium for the message. Just because we have experienced the power and truth of the Good News in a particular medium (pulpits, buildings, books, radios, etc) does not mean the power and truth of the message is limited to that medium. When we look at the narrative of Acts, we see that there was a deciding factor that told the council what the reality was. The Holy Spirit had indeed been manifested among the gentiles. This indicated God’s Sovereign presence and blessing on their actions and affirmations, meaning that what the Jews wanted them to do in order to experience that blessing was irrelevant.
Let us follow in their footsteps and remove the yoke of cultural uniformity before we further nullify the true meaning of the Gospel as the good news for the world.
Someday there will be more written on this fragile screen regarding the formation of the people of God. For now I am mulling over this abuse and looking to affirm its correction and remedy.
Press on.
I think it’s time to spell something out.
We’ve come to a time in the formation of the church where we are repeating history, and it’s not a good thing.
Check out Acts 15:1-35
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%2015:1-35&version=NLT
The Jerusalem council of the first century was convened for a simple purpose, to decide whether or not it was in accordance with the message of the gospel to make gentile converts uphold Jewish tradition in their new faith. The controversy had much to do with circumcision, Sabbath, synagogue attendance, and obeying the Torah and then forming Talmud. The decision? “No”- upholding the Jewish cultural law was not going to become contingent and equal with the gospel of new life in Jesus Christ. They decided that the Gentile believers were just as much included in the blessing of God’s presence by manifestation of the Holy Spirit as the Jewish and Samaritan believers before them. The decision made history- but we have neglected to act in accordance with their wisdom. Instead, we have taken on the pride of these early Jews and decided that if church isn’t done in accordance with our traditions and with our cultural preferences, then it isn’t being done correctly. Some have criticized Western Christianity in this way, claiming moral outrage at such arrogance. Anymore I think the criticism is legitimate.
Do we not realize that we are not called to be a “church” (that is, the connotative definition of an assembly of people professing the same cognitive beliefs) as much as we are reborn to be a nation (that is, a people who by their way of life and adherence to particular original truths find themselves unified though they do not necessarily share space and/or time)? Let me suggest something very simple here- nations are bigger than churches. Christ died to redeem and purify for Himself a people of His very own. They same desire that the Father has expressed since the beginning of His interaction with humanity on this fallen world. But no, instead we reserve the right to decide what people must believe and do in order to be acceptable in our sight rather than look for God’s blessing on their affirmation of His work and love through Christ. When will we repent of this arrogance and stop asking cultures unlike our own to conform to our cultural and linguistic preferences before we accept them as brothers and sisters in faith? The missions movement is a wonderful thing, missions work is a wonderful thing, but let us not mistake the medium for the message. Just because we have experienced the power and truth of the Good News in a particular medium (pulpits, buildings, books, radios, etc) does not mean the power and truth of the message is limited to that medium. When we look at the narrative of Acts, we see that there was a deciding factor that told the council what the reality was. The Holy Spirit had indeed been manifested among the gentiles. This indicated God’s Sovereign presence and blessing on their actions and affirmations, meaning that what the Jews wanted them to do in order to experience that blessing was irrelevant.
Let us follow in their footsteps and remove the yoke of cultural uniformity before we further nullify the true meaning of the Gospel as the good news for the world.
Someday there will be more written on this fragile screen regarding the formation of the people of God. For now I am mulling over this abuse and looking to affirm its correction and remedy.
Press on.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Re: Perspective and Interpretation
The Circumstances
You are in a dark room, lit only by one light that hangs over a table in the center. On this particular table there are bindings and straps- it is so vile in its depravity. You know these people you have lost your freedom to use it for their own foul and horrid purposes. You know you do not want to be here. You have been stripped, the decency of a single cloth is your only accommodation for these circumstances- you feel less than human. The room is cold and still you grow more and more terrified of who may be coming in for you and what they may do to you. The room, echoing your heart, feels dirty and full of risk. You found this place by accident, never intending your involvement with these people and their secluded organization to get so intense and out of hand. You have little rights with them, indeed, they tell you what your options are anymore and you either comply or face the consequences. What have I gotten myself into is all that you can think as you stare at the door and wait for their latest instructions. What will they have you do this time? Tell them more secrets? Tell them more things you swore you'd never tell anyone? Show them more vulnerability as if you deserve to be at their mercy? Try to resist and yet fail as time and time again before? Someone comes in, they're masked as usual, and you are hardly able to contain yourself and your anxiety. He brings with him others, all masked and dark. They tell you to stand and that they are in control of the situation- your time is up."Everything is going according to plan," they say to one another with pleasure. Fear grips you even still- what does that mean? You do not want to stand. Someone grabs your hand and pulls you up from your place, you cannot bear to resist anymore- they have proven themselves too strong in recent times. This table was meant for you, and you know they are going to injure you. This is going to hurt. They will harm you. How could they?! From the time you met them they said they only wanted to help you. From the first time you spoke to the masked one he said nothing of this. That table is yours. You climb your Golgotha and await your sentance, unwilling to attempt escape. It’s no use. They surround you and look you over. How will they perform their ritual this time? How long have they been practicing this dreadful routine? How many others have been where you are now- at their mercy? How did you come to this place? How did you give them so much power? The man stares at you from behind the mask and says, “Just relax,” but you know it's no use. Then he holds his sinister blade above your flesh and lowers it as you pray to escape into the relief of unconsciousness…
The Question
Where are you? There are many answers that could suffice, but I kind of want to see how this short little verbal presentation affects you. Where do you think you are? (and if we’ve had this conversation before, please don’t answer)
You are in a dark room, lit only by one light that hangs over a table in the center. On this particular table there are bindings and straps- it is so vile in its depravity. You know these people you have lost your freedom to use it for their own foul and horrid purposes. You know you do not want to be here. You have been stripped, the decency of a single cloth is your only accommodation for these circumstances- you feel less than human. The room is cold and still you grow more and more terrified of who may be coming in for you and what they may do to you. The room, echoing your heart, feels dirty and full of risk. You found this place by accident, never intending your involvement with these people and their secluded organization to get so intense and out of hand. You have little rights with them, indeed, they tell you what your options are anymore and you either comply or face the consequences. What have I gotten myself into is all that you can think as you stare at the door and wait for their latest instructions. What will they have you do this time? Tell them more secrets? Tell them more things you swore you'd never tell anyone? Show them more vulnerability as if you deserve to be at their mercy? Try to resist and yet fail as time and time again before? Someone comes in, they're masked as usual, and you are hardly able to contain yourself and your anxiety. He brings with him others, all masked and dark. They tell you to stand and that they are in control of the situation- your time is up."Everything is going according to plan," they say to one another with pleasure. Fear grips you even still- what does that mean? You do not want to stand. Someone grabs your hand and pulls you up from your place, you cannot bear to resist anymore- they have proven themselves too strong in recent times. This table was meant for you, and you know they are going to injure you. This is going to hurt. They will harm you. How could they?! From the time you met them they said they only wanted to help you. From the first time you spoke to the masked one he said nothing of this. That table is yours. You climb your Golgotha and await your sentance, unwilling to attempt escape. It’s no use. They surround you and look you over. How will they perform their ritual this time? How long have they been practicing this dreadful routine? How many others have been where you are now- at their mercy? How did you come to this place? How did you give them so much power? The man stares at you from behind the mask and says, “Just relax,” but you know it's no use. Then he holds his sinister blade above your flesh and lowers it as you pray to escape into the relief of unconsciousness…
The Question
Where are you? There are many answers that could suffice, but I kind of want to see how this short little verbal presentation affects you. Where do you think you are? (and if we’ve had this conversation before, please don’t answer)
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Re: Recent Tunes (v.II, "A New Law")
So... I've been listening to a couple of artists lately that have some pretty good things to say. The first is the ever folksy and ridiculously talented Mr. Marc Scibilia and the other is one known in some circles as "the most dangerous man in music," Mr. Derek Webb. I was privileged to see both of them at the Wealthy Theater in Grand Rapids, Michigan about a week ago and consequently, one of their albums has been playing near my ears since then. Fixity is Marc's only full length release thus far, but it certainly packs a punch. He lulls you onward with very fanciful piano progression all the while that he's sneaking a prophetic challenge and cry into your heart through the back door. Derek Webb has a different approach to say the least. Derek comes at you like a freight train, and as one good friend likes to reflect, "there are times he sings something and you just have to stop and ask 'did he just say that??'" The album of his we're referring to here is Mockingbird, and wow, it is beautiful and hardly a spin off of someone else's efforts. Derek's unique voice and questioning, forceful lyrics say something new each time I play a track. At any rate, both of these men have been on the side of truth this week and in very timely fashion reminding me of some of the beliefs my life holds that just don't find opportunity for expression in my daily surroundings (that being Bethel College and the Northern Indiana Bible belt). I think Derek was brilliant to name his last album "Stockholm Syndrome." Though where I am is not necessarily captivity, sometimes it is much easier to simply blend in or comply with your circumstances than to intentionally affirm what you know to be true. As C.S. Lewis put it (though I can't remember where)- the road to spiritual apathy is comfortable and full of only slight compromises, the kind we always have the intention to return to and fix when no one is looking. A professor of mine likes to say "You can't choose your beliefs," and I tend to agree, however, we can definitely choose what beliefs we protect and remember. At any rate, both of these guys have been influencing my thoughts and faith this past week and I wanted to share a bit of Derek's thoughts with you. Why? Well, because "you deserve it"... like a coke or something. (I think it'll be refreshing)
A New Law
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Don’t teach me about politics and government
Just tell me who to vote for
And don’t teach me about truth and beauty
No, just label my music
And don’t teach me how to live like a free man
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
And don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
I prefer a shot of grape juice
And don’t teach me about loving my enemies
And don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
‘Cause what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
For one you can that cannot get you anything
So do not be afraid
Do not be afraid…
A New Law
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Don’t teach me about politics and government
Just tell me who to vote for
And don’t teach me about truth and beauty
No, just label my music
And don’t teach me how to live like a free man
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
And don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
I prefer a shot of grape juice
And don’t teach me about loving my enemies
And don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
‘Cause what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
For one you can that cannot get you anything
So do not be afraid
Do not be afraid…
Re: Recent Tunes (v. I, "A King and A Kingdom")
So... I've been listening to a couple of artists lately that have some pretty good things to say. The first is the ever folksy and ridiculously talented Mr. Marc Scibilia and the other is one known in some circles as "the most dangerous man in music," Mr. Derek Webb. I was privileged to see both of them at the Wealthy Theater in Grand Rapids, Michigan about a week ago and consequently, one of their albums has been playing near my ears since then. Fixity is Marc's only full length release thus far, but it certainly packs a punch. He lulls you onward with very fanciful piano progression all the while that he's sneaking a prophetic challenge and cry into your heart through the back door. Derek Webb has a different approach to say the least. Derek comes at you like a freight train, and as one good friend likes to reflect, "there are times he sings something and you just have to stop and ask 'did he just say that??'" The album of his we're referring to here is Mockingbird, and wow, it is beautiful and hardly a spin off of someone else's efforts. Derek's unique voice and questioning, forceful lyrics say something new each time I play a track. At any rate, both of these men have been on the side of truth this week and in very timely fashion reminding me of some of the beliefs my life holds that just don't find opportunity for expression in my daily surroundings (that being Bethel College and the Northern Indiana Bible belt). I think Derek was brilliant to name his last album "Stockholm Syndrome." Though where I am is not necessarily captivity, sometimes it is much easier to simply blend in or comply with your circumstances than to intentionally affirm what you know to be true. As C.S. Lewis put it (though I can't remember where)- the road to spiritual apathy is comfortable and full of only slight compromises, the kind we always have the intention to return to and fix when no one is looking. A professor of mine likes to say "You can't choose your beliefs," and I tend to agree, however, we can definitely choose what beliefs we protect and remember. At any rate, both of these guys have been influencing my thoughts and faith this past week and I wanted to share a bit of Derek's thoughts with you. Why? Well, because "you deserve it"... like a coke or something. (I think it'll be refreshing)
A King and A Kingdom
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Who’s your brother, who’s your sister
You just walked past him, I think you missed her
As we’re all migrating to a place where our Father lives
‘Cause we married into a family of immigrants
So my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
There are two great lies that I’ve heard
"The day you eat of the fruit of that tree you will not surely die"
And that "Jesus Christ was a white, middle class Republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like him"
But my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
And nothing unifies like a common enemy
And we’ve got one sure as hell
He may be living in your house
He may be raising up your kids
He may be sleeping with your wife
Oh he may not look like you think
A King and A Kingdom
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Who’s your brother, who’s your sister
You just walked past him, I think you missed her
As we’re all migrating to a place where our Father lives
‘Cause we married into a family of immigrants
So my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
There are two great lies that I’ve heard
"The day you eat of the fruit of that tree you will not surely die"
And that "Jesus Christ was a white, middle class Republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like him"
But my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
And nothing unifies like a common enemy
And we’ve got one sure as hell
He may be living in your house
He may be raising up your kids
He may be sleeping with your wife
Oh he may not look like you think
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Re: Reconciliation
Forgive my tardiness for this post to this site. This is a former written work and again recently I'm seeing the same word tossed around and the same motivation behind it... so I felt like dusting it off for a minute and letting it fly again.
..............................................................................
[Original Posting September 28,2009]
So I this has been weighing me down for some time because more and more I see this word, "reconciliation" being thrown around and I get the feeling we're letting the world define it and give us our mission rather than letting Jesus declare it and send us with it.
Here goes...
Dear you,
Your passion for reconciliation is good, but you have missed the point. Our Lord did not come to reconcile the world to itself. He did not come to bring peace between the gentiles and Jews, create political stability for Palestine and Israel, harmony between sexual orientations, union to Republicans and Democrats, familiarity for races, neutrality to genders, equality for the rich and poor, or agreement between any other differing ideals! Our Lord Jesus Christ did NOT die on a cross so the world would have peace with itself as if all sin were now abolished (by Him, not through Him) and the enemy no longer has rights to create havoc. The ministry of reconciliation that Jesus came to demonstrate is NOT the reconciliation of the world to itself. Indeed it is entirely the opposite.
• Rom 5:10-11: For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
• Rom 11:15: For if their rejection means the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance mean but life from the dead?
• 2 Cor 5:18: All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…
• 2 Cor 5:19: that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
• 2 Cor 5:20: Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
• Col 1:20-22: …and through Him God was pleased to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of His Cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, as as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before Him…
The concept and nature of this word does connote the idea of some restoration taking place or the exchange of some substance for something else and I think that the Theological implications are greater still. First, I think that the implication made is that a prerequisite for reconciliation is a fall. In order for something to be reconciled, a prior, somehow greater connection between the two things must have been lost. The implications are this, that we were at one time in right relation with God, but through our own choices, we broke the connection between us, offending God, and losing the original greatness of our bond. In order to regain that relationship, reconcile it, that is, payment, or an exchange of some kind must be made. Knowing that the result of sin (that is, the offense of God) is death, the only possible payment for sin (wages, that is) is death itself; therefore, restitution to God is made only in death. However, considering that all humanity has chosen this offense, and that it is impossible for that which is impure to purify itself, it is therefore impossible from humanity’s standpoint to reconcile itself to God. But if the pure were to die, fulfilling the just price of the offense, reconciliation might be had through the pure. That is what happened, the Pure, God himself, chose to reconcile us to Himself by paying the price Himself. The debt was not cancelled as if it never happened- it was paid in full by the indebted! The exchange of His life for each of ours is what defines the reconciliation of humanity back to right relationship with God. In this light reconciliation is in fact, payment, replacement, exchange, and substitution- all combined to identify the act of restoration carried out for debtors to God by God to God (not a redundancy, read it carefully).
The goal of Christ is the reconciliation of the world TO HIMSELF, all things come FROM THIS POINT FIRST, for it only THROUGH HIM that all things are made new. It is not the agreement of holiness and sin, it is the removal of sin to reveal what is holy! It is IN HIM that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, etc.- why are we attempting to reconcile that which cannot be reconciled without the work of Christ taking place first? There can be no reconcilation of the Church and the world outside of Jesus, and even then it is no longer the world, but an expansion and addition to the Church! To have friendship with the world is to be the enemy of God- have we forgotten this? Neither the Jew and Greek nor the Church and the world will be or can be reconciled without FIRST being made new in Jesus, for it is at that point that national origins, political preferences, personal rights and ideals SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO HIS WILL and are thus CONFORMED to the likeness of the SAME IMAGE- Jesus Christ. It is when we seek conforming to the same standard that unity is created, but for the saved, the Church, our standard is Jesus Christ Alone, Who is our Head and Author, can we then submit to the standard of the world which we have been alienated from and estranged to?
I cannot help but let this go from here. As more and more throw this word around as if somehow it is our mission to reconcile others to others I will continue to cringe, for the reconciliation of Christ can only be done as we bring others to HIM and NOT to each other. Reconciliation is not about tolerance and false unity, the bringing together of light and darkness as if that were possible anyway. Rather, it is about being recreated in the same image as the ONLY Reconciler, Jesus Christ, Who has paid our debt by His death on a cursed piece of wood. It is about the rebirth of our life, the renewal of our relationships, the restoration of our purpose, and the reduction of what is not of Him. Let us press on in the ministry of reconciliation as it is intended, not by what the world would rather it be.
In Him,
Me
..............................................................................
[Original Posting September 28,2009]
So I this has been weighing me down for some time because more and more I see this word, "reconciliation" being thrown around and I get the feeling we're letting the world define it and give us our mission rather than letting Jesus declare it and send us with it.
Here goes...
Dear you,
Your passion for reconciliation is good, but you have missed the point. Our Lord did not come to reconcile the world to itself. He did not come to bring peace between the gentiles and Jews, create political stability for Palestine and Israel, harmony between sexual orientations, union to Republicans and Democrats, familiarity for races, neutrality to genders, equality for the rich and poor, or agreement between any other differing ideals! Our Lord Jesus Christ did NOT die on a cross so the world would have peace with itself as if all sin were now abolished (by Him, not through Him) and the enemy no longer has rights to create havoc. The ministry of reconciliation that Jesus came to demonstrate is NOT the reconciliation of the world to itself. Indeed it is entirely the opposite.
• Rom 5:10-11: For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
• Rom 11:15: For if their rejection means the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance mean but life from the dead?
• 2 Cor 5:18: All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…
• 2 Cor 5:19: that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
• 2 Cor 5:20: Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
• Col 1:20-22: …and through Him God was pleased to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of His Cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, as as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before Him…
The concept and nature of this word does connote the idea of some restoration taking place or the exchange of some substance for something else and I think that the Theological implications are greater still. First, I think that the implication made is that a prerequisite for reconciliation is a fall. In order for something to be reconciled, a prior, somehow greater connection between the two things must have been lost. The implications are this, that we were at one time in right relation with God, but through our own choices, we broke the connection between us, offending God, and losing the original greatness of our bond. In order to regain that relationship, reconcile it, that is, payment, or an exchange of some kind must be made. Knowing that the result of sin (that is, the offense of God) is death, the only possible payment for sin (wages, that is) is death itself; therefore, restitution to God is made only in death. However, considering that all humanity has chosen this offense, and that it is impossible for that which is impure to purify itself, it is therefore impossible from humanity’s standpoint to reconcile itself to God. But if the pure were to die, fulfilling the just price of the offense, reconciliation might be had through the pure. That is what happened, the Pure, God himself, chose to reconcile us to Himself by paying the price Himself. The debt was not cancelled as if it never happened- it was paid in full by the indebted! The exchange of His life for each of ours is what defines the reconciliation of humanity back to right relationship with God. In this light reconciliation is in fact, payment, replacement, exchange, and substitution- all combined to identify the act of restoration carried out for debtors to God by God to God (not a redundancy, read it carefully).
The goal of Christ is the reconciliation of the world TO HIMSELF, all things come FROM THIS POINT FIRST, for it only THROUGH HIM that all things are made new. It is not the agreement of holiness and sin, it is the removal of sin to reveal what is holy! It is IN HIM that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, etc.- why are we attempting to reconcile that which cannot be reconciled without the work of Christ taking place first? There can be no reconcilation of the Church and the world outside of Jesus, and even then it is no longer the world, but an expansion and addition to the Church! To have friendship with the world is to be the enemy of God- have we forgotten this? Neither the Jew and Greek nor the Church and the world will be or can be reconciled without FIRST being made new in Jesus, for it is at that point that national origins, political preferences, personal rights and ideals SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO HIS WILL and are thus CONFORMED to the likeness of the SAME IMAGE- Jesus Christ. It is when we seek conforming to the same standard that unity is created, but for the saved, the Church, our standard is Jesus Christ Alone, Who is our Head and Author, can we then submit to the standard of the world which we have been alienated from and estranged to?
I cannot help but let this go from here. As more and more throw this word around as if somehow it is our mission to reconcile others to others I will continue to cringe, for the reconciliation of Christ can only be done as we bring others to HIM and NOT to each other. Reconciliation is not about tolerance and false unity, the bringing together of light and darkness as if that were possible anyway. Rather, it is about being recreated in the same image as the ONLY Reconciler, Jesus Christ, Who has paid our debt by His death on a cursed piece of wood. It is about the rebirth of our life, the renewal of our relationships, the restoration of our purpose, and the reduction of what is not of Him. Let us press on in the ministry of reconciliation as it is intended, not by what the world would rather it be.
In Him,
Me
Friday, August 14, 2009
August 14, 2009: What of Dreams?
Dear you,
I do not know how to talk to you.
Such a notion as conversation seems so…
Small.
That is…
In light of the things I see,
And what I long to show you…
Such a vision cannot be presented with words.
Yet I see you…
And…
Well…
I don’t know what do with that sight either.
Suddenly wetness fills my eyes…
A salty substance I did not invite.
Each bead races down my face…
And falls.
In singularity declaring a hope…
A sighed prayer…
A reckless dream.
Yet on impact with the ground…
The end?
No.
The abundance.
They multiply.
This is how I feel when my dreams land
On His heart.
They explode…
And one suddenly becomes one thousand…
For you.
When I dream for you
It cannot be in terms of one…
For I dream dreams upon dreams...
Countless.
And yet…
Even if you actually found my face…
It wouldn’t help.
The dreams aren’t there…
Only a subtle trace remains.
That’s not what I want to share with you.
The dreams…
All of them…
Have landed in a heart…
And it is heavy.
For dreams can only be seen…
And you know what that means.
So I am still speechless.
Love,
Me
I do not know how to talk to you.
Such a notion as conversation seems so…
Small.
That is…
In light of the things I see,
And what I long to show you…
Such a vision cannot be presented with words.
Yet I see you…
And…
Well…
I don’t know what do with that sight either.
Suddenly wetness fills my eyes…
A salty substance I did not invite.
Each bead races down my face…
And falls.
In singularity declaring a hope…
A sighed prayer…
A reckless dream.
Yet on impact with the ground…
The end?
No.
The abundance.
They multiply.
This is how I feel when my dreams land
On His heart.
They explode…
And one suddenly becomes one thousand…
For you.
When I dream for you
It cannot be in terms of one…
For I dream dreams upon dreams...
Countless.
And yet…
Even if you actually found my face…
It wouldn’t help.
The dreams aren’t there…
Only a subtle trace remains.
That’s not what I want to share with you.
The dreams…
All of them…
Have landed in a heart…
And it is heavy.
For dreams can only be seen…
And you know what that means.
So I am still speechless.
Love,
Me
Thursday, July 30, 2009
July 30, 2009: Something Shallow
Dear you,
I’m sorry.
Those seem to be the only words that my heart allows at the moment…
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’ve been abused… broken… hurt… tricked… taken advantage of… mistreated… downplayed… pained… scarred… hated… lied to.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say…
Except… well.
I love you.
I love you, and the love that I have for you may as well be nothing when compared to the love I am learning to reflect. This reflection is dull… darkened… shallow... overshadowed by my own depravity, selfishness, and humanity, and yet the source, He who shows me pure and true love, has no darkness or dimness. His light is pure and unimaginably freeing. I want to love you that way. May He teach me more honestly and openly, for I see such pain and brokenness in your life. I want you to know this love. I want you to know this joy. I want you to know this FREEDOM. And yet the only words I can say are… I’m sorry. I don’t know why… but I wish I could undo it all. I want to take the pain and the lies away. I want you to know the truth and I want you to be free. I love you. I don’t know what else to do… I know you’re tired of hearing it, yet I feel the resolution to live it before you. Would you dare to see it? Or, will you hide behind closed eyes, tolerating the pain and the sorrow, hoping everyone just goes away?
Open them… please.
You close them and it undermines everything. Glory is ultimately something we must see, not just hear. Love must be known in action, not only speech. I know my words have reached your ears, yet I pray desperately it would reach your eyes, and through them, your heart. My heart is broken for you… even now I don’t know what to do but write in with the simple hope your heart will find a moment to read such things that are daringly expressed in the face of depravity. What is next for us? I don’t know. My love for you burns anew each day, as if the sun itself adds sets my heart ablaze each morning with its rising. Maybe someday I’ll learn the magic words needed to show you what I really mean. Maybe someday I’ll learn the secret of speaking directly to your heart. Maybe someday I’ll really know what you’re thinking and can then speak against the fears and the past pains that numb your ears to His words and close your eyes to His heart. Maybe someday… or maybe someday you’ll just want to know what it is that I see in you, and maybe on that day you’ll be just honest enough to look past me to see the One whom I represent, asking what it is that HE sees in you, calling your name with tears in His eyes, asking you to come home… maybe you’ll look around for the source of the reflection… you’ll learn that I’m nothing but an expression… and you’ll laugh as you realize what it is that you’ve been caught up in, indefinable though seems to be... you'll cry and I'll heave a great sigh of relief and joy and celebration... I'll marvel at what He has done and thank Him for the chance to be part of it for you. I'll look at you and pray you see what He sees. I'll cry in your healing... you'll laugh in His love... and the Kingdom will be ours. I can see it...
And yet in my vision is also the sight of what blocks your view, and for the sake of that sight I am sorry, and I am willing to help you tear down that wall, that you may hold the promises meant for your life, that you might know joy, hope, and peace, that you might run freely and with strength... because I love you, and I want you to know the Reason why.
Love,
Me
.........................................................................................
Micah 7:14-20
14 Shepherd your people with your staff,
the flock of your inheritance,
which lives by itself in a forest,
in fertile pasturelands.
Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead
as in days long ago.
15 "As in the days when you came out of Egypt,
I will show them my wonders."
16 Nations will see and be ashamed,
deprived of all their power.
They will lay their hands on their mouths
and their ears will become deaf.
17 They will lick dust like a snake,
like creatures that crawl on the ground.
They will come trembling out of their dens;
they will turn in fear to the LORD our God
and will be afraid of you.
18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
20 You will be true to Jacob,
and show mercy to Abraham,
as you pledged on oath to our fathers
in days long ago.
I’m sorry.
Those seem to be the only words that my heart allows at the moment…
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’ve been abused… broken… hurt… tricked… taken advantage of… mistreated… downplayed… pained… scarred… hated… lied to.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say…
Except… well.
I love you.
I love you, and the love that I have for you may as well be nothing when compared to the love I am learning to reflect. This reflection is dull… darkened… shallow... overshadowed by my own depravity, selfishness, and humanity, and yet the source, He who shows me pure and true love, has no darkness or dimness. His light is pure and unimaginably freeing. I want to love you that way. May He teach me more honestly and openly, for I see such pain and brokenness in your life. I want you to know this love. I want you to know this joy. I want you to know this FREEDOM. And yet the only words I can say are… I’m sorry. I don’t know why… but I wish I could undo it all. I want to take the pain and the lies away. I want you to know the truth and I want you to be free. I love you. I don’t know what else to do… I know you’re tired of hearing it, yet I feel the resolution to live it before you. Would you dare to see it? Or, will you hide behind closed eyes, tolerating the pain and the sorrow, hoping everyone just goes away?
Open them… please.
You close them and it undermines everything. Glory is ultimately something we must see, not just hear. Love must be known in action, not only speech. I know my words have reached your ears, yet I pray desperately it would reach your eyes, and through them, your heart. My heart is broken for you… even now I don’t know what to do but write in with the simple hope your heart will find a moment to read such things that are daringly expressed in the face of depravity. What is next for us? I don’t know. My love for you burns anew each day, as if the sun itself adds sets my heart ablaze each morning with its rising. Maybe someday I’ll learn the magic words needed to show you what I really mean. Maybe someday I’ll learn the secret of speaking directly to your heart. Maybe someday I’ll really know what you’re thinking and can then speak against the fears and the past pains that numb your ears to His words and close your eyes to His heart. Maybe someday… or maybe someday you’ll just want to know what it is that I see in you, and maybe on that day you’ll be just honest enough to look past me to see the One whom I represent, asking what it is that HE sees in you, calling your name with tears in His eyes, asking you to come home… maybe you’ll look around for the source of the reflection… you’ll learn that I’m nothing but an expression… and you’ll laugh as you realize what it is that you’ve been caught up in, indefinable though seems to be... you'll cry and I'll heave a great sigh of relief and joy and celebration... I'll marvel at what He has done and thank Him for the chance to be part of it for you. I'll look at you and pray you see what He sees. I'll cry in your healing... you'll laugh in His love... and the Kingdom will be ours. I can see it...
And yet in my vision is also the sight of what blocks your view, and for the sake of that sight I am sorry, and I am willing to help you tear down that wall, that you may hold the promises meant for your life, that you might know joy, hope, and peace, that you might run freely and with strength... because I love you, and I want you to know the Reason why.
Love,
Me
.........................................................................................
Micah 7:14-20
14 Shepherd your people with your staff,
the flock of your inheritance,
which lives by itself in a forest,
in fertile pasturelands.
Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead
as in days long ago.
15 "As in the days when you came out of Egypt,
I will show them my wonders."
16 Nations will see and be ashamed,
deprived of all their power.
They will lay their hands on their mouths
and their ears will become deaf.
17 They will lick dust like a snake,
like creatures that crawl on the ground.
They will come trembling out of their dens;
they will turn in fear to the LORD our God
and will be afraid of you.
18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
20 You will be true to Jacob,
and show mercy to Abraham,
as you pledged on oath to our fathers
in days long ago.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Re: Today
Sometimes I want to give up. Period. Like today... there's just this funk about it. The kind of funk that comes from reading ill-casted facebook notes and hearing vomitous words spoken from hardly honest traditions held. These days make me want to go back to a place called "easy." Where all I have to do is sit in a room with a semi-circular table and wait for open minds to come through the door. Where I simply have to choose three or four logically associated lyrically appropriate tunes to string together and inspire willingly led people into emotional highs. Where language arts, background education, and rhetorical skills were afforded more authority than the Holy Spirit's anointing, prophetic spew, or a burdened heart. This day seems more likely to crush me beneath the weight of unwilling hearers and steadfast tradition holders than anything else. Some days it would just be easier to go back to the place of frustration at things that felt less than eternal and were therefore easier to get through. Where a shower and a guitar session did ease the heaviness of my spirit at the disobedience of my friends. Where pursuing an uncommon relationship was the goal rather than the pursuit of a holy one. Those were the days.
Were these days counted? Yes. Was this cost laid on the table and deemed worth every tear? Yes. Was there a moment when I knew I couldn't go back? Yes. Was there a time when I realized that my education was probably all for not? Yes. Was there at any time the option afforded to simply stay and enjoy the temporal happiness of fluid and shallow relationships spend over profane and even evil entertainment? Yes.
So what now? What was that cost counted for? Where is the joyful fruit of nearly two years on the naughty list of people I love and respect? Where is the return of the risky and almost desperate investment in real freedom and empowered speech? Where is the exchange on education for anointing and information for heart cutting truth? Where is the fruit grown from the rain of tears I have let go over lives I couldn't bear watching run down the same path of which I saw death standing at the end?
Where is it?
Oh, it's around. :D
M.M
J.H.
A.B.
D.P.
R.O.
.............................................................
If I Stand
Rich Mullins
There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegence
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
www.kidbrothers.net
Were these days counted? Yes. Was this cost laid on the table and deemed worth every tear? Yes. Was there a moment when I knew I couldn't go back? Yes. Was there a time when I realized that my education was probably all for not? Yes. Was there at any time the option afforded to simply stay and enjoy the temporal happiness of fluid and shallow relationships spend over profane and even evil entertainment? Yes.
So what now? What was that cost counted for? Where is the joyful fruit of nearly two years on the naughty list of people I love and respect? Where is the return of the risky and almost desperate investment in real freedom and empowered speech? Where is the exchange on education for anointing and information for heart cutting truth? Where is the fruit grown from the rain of tears I have let go over lives I couldn't bear watching run down the same path of which I saw death standing at the end?
Where is it?
Oh, it's around. :D
M.M
J.H.
A.B.
D.P.
R.O.
.............................................................
If I Stand
Rich Mullins
There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegence
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
www.kidbrothers.net
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Decisions
I was told last night by a co-worker who has evidently "seen it all" that at this point in his life he is hoping for nothing else than to "die comfortably." I don't know if I can explain in any amount of words how shocked and absolutely appalled I was. He is admittedly in disbelief of any god or purpose, and as far as his life is concerned now, that's all he wants. He doesn't want the slow, drawn out thing that so many go through. He doesn't want the out of the blue car accident or anything like that. Does this surprise me? No.
My thoughts wander more towards those around me to confess belief and yet chase the very thing my friend is: a comfortable death. Well? How about it? There are thousands of comforts in out lives, things that money affords and things that all kinds of stuff can bring about. I know many believers, some of whom are my closest friends who literally are doing nothing other than "dieing comfortably." Here is my question:
What about the "abundant life" that Jesus Christ claimed He had come to bring? What about freedom? What about fruit?
Is your "abundant life" anything more than "dieing comfortably?" Or is it a drawn out, spiritually fruitful, hell defeating, heaven proclaiming, disciple making, and freedom creating empowered life?
I believe that's for you to decide.
My thoughts wander more towards those around me to confess belief and yet chase the very thing my friend is: a comfortable death. Well? How about it? There are thousands of comforts in out lives, things that money affords and things that all kinds of stuff can bring about. I know many believers, some of whom are my closest friends who literally are doing nothing other than "dieing comfortably." Here is my question:
What about the "abundant life" that Jesus Christ claimed He had come to bring? What about freedom? What about fruit?
Is your "abundant life" anything more than "dieing comfortably?" Or is it a drawn out, spiritually fruitful, hell defeating, heaven proclaiming, disciple making, and freedom creating empowered life?
I believe that's for you to decide.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Heartache
*sigh*
It's about 3:00am where I currently am, and I have had an enduring pain in my soul for several days now. I truly wish I knew how to be rid of it, but clearly such relief is not meant for the present moment. I do not know what is next in my life right now... I suppose that is in itself a very good thing. Work in the mountains never gets old (though this heartache does), and I continue to experience a new brokenness for/in my generation nearly every day. I wonder anymore if this pain is nothing more than a distraction... something to keep me chasing my own hopes and whispered prayers into darker and darker, more secret corners of my life instead of simply spewing them into the air and being rid of the heaviness so often befalling my heart. Somehow my voice is bound and unable to share these things with those around me... I am free with only a few people and there have found no resolution.
I don't know what to do. In all honesty the one thing that comes to mind is weep, and as experience has proven before, that doesn't help. I work among people who not only reject the spiritual nature of their lives, but thwart it, starve it, kill it. They drown the cry of their existence in soulish desires and fruitless experiences. All I really want is some honesty right now I think. I'd like to have an honest and genuine conversation with someone about life in general, but alas, most often what comes from the mouths of those around me are lies bathed in alcohol and caressing flatteries laced with self-interest. Those that I love the most seem afraid to share what they are truly going through, as if vulnerability is something I do not respect and protection is not my most natural and fiercest passion. I truly crave honesty more than anything else right now. Other than that (Perhaps even because of that), I am exhausted. My heart is nearly dehydrated it has wept so often in the last week. My mind feels flat for trying in vain to figure out how such lifestyles as I see are appealing or desired at all. My body wonders when it'll enjoy a normal sleep cycle for just one week's time. My spirit sees the many needs and calls in earnest for authentic and holy help, only to see the enemy sweep in and provide a distorted and shallow solution to eternal problems. All that to say, I ache, and I don't know the nature of the sharpest, deepest tear in my heart, which is perhaps more frustrating than anything else.
It's about 3:00am where I currently am, and I have had an enduring pain in my soul for several days now. I truly wish I knew how to be rid of it, but clearly such relief is not meant for the present moment. I do not know what is next in my life right now... I suppose that is in itself a very good thing. Work in the mountains never gets old (though this heartache does), and I continue to experience a new brokenness for/in my generation nearly every day. I wonder anymore if this pain is nothing more than a distraction... something to keep me chasing my own hopes and whispered prayers into darker and darker, more secret corners of my life instead of simply spewing them into the air and being rid of the heaviness so often befalling my heart. Somehow my voice is bound and unable to share these things with those around me... I am free with only a few people and there have found no resolution.
I don't know what to do. In all honesty the one thing that comes to mind is weep, and as experience has proven before, that doesn't help. I work among people who not only reject the spiritual nature of their lives, but thwart it, starve it, kill it. They drown the cry of their existence in soulish desires and fruitless experiences. All I really want is some honesty right now I think. I'd like to have an honest and genuine conversation with someone about life in general, but alas, most often what comes from the mouths of those around me are lies bathed in alcohol and caressing flatteries laced with self-interest. Those that I love the most seem afraid to share what they are truly going through, as if vulnerability is something I do not respect and protection is not my most natural and fiercest passion. I truly crave honesty more than anything else right now. Other than that (Perhaps even because of that), I am exhausted. My heart is nearly dehydrated it has wept so often in the last week. My mind feels flat for trying in vain to figure out how such lifestyles as I see are appealing or desired at all. My body wonders when it'll enjoy a normal sleep cycle for just one week's time. My spirit sees the many needs and calls in earnest for authentic and holy help, only to see the enemy sweep in and provide a distorted and shallow solution to eternal problems. All that to say, I ache, and I don't know the nature of the sharpest, deepest tear in my heart, which is perhaps more frustrating than anything else.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Rich Mullins on "Love"
Another radical Rich Mullins quote:
If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, may be infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.
Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Rich_Mullins
If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, may be infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.
Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Rich_Mullins
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
June 1, 2009: Time
Dear you,
It’s been a little while now, hasn’t it… I mean, since this whole thing started. Just about a year ago I found my heart towards you. In the same moment I discovered you were not as much opposed to this love as you were fearful of it. So much has changed, yet still that hasn’t. I think of you and pray for you almost all day long, and literally (right now) all night long too. I watched you drink away the pain again tonight. I hadn’t seen that side in some time. Later you allowed the shallow wooing of a shallow lover to comfort your flesh and soothe the headache you can’t tell is truly of your heart’s origin. Sure, you laughed through the whole thing, but when you walked by late one afternoon and saw the salt trail on your cheek. I still don’t understand. I know you know that, what I don’t get is why you are so afraid. I pray against it every day. I turn my own heart over to our Father every day. I seek His pleasure above my own and truly want nothing more than for you to know Him as He has bled to let you. One year ago I mistook this pain of a loving fervor for the pain of a annoyed cell-mate. Again, how things have changed, that certainly has.
I hold to the hope that someday you’ll be ready to look into my eyes and receive the joy of your heart’s longing being fulfilled. I hold to the hope that you will be free. I hold to the promise that you are His. I do not always know what to do with the pain of watching you self-destruct. Most times I must remind myself of the awakening that comes when you finally crash into the canyon floor and I hope you’ll let me help you clean up the mess. (though so often I am not only ill equipped for such endeavors but too overwhelmed with joy at your lies’ demise to be of any use!) You ask me for things I pray you don’t receive. Can you understand the torture of such a circumstance? I pray that you finally run out of places to hide and yet you ask me to help you search for somewhere new. I pray you run out of energy to hold up your fortress wall and you ask me to help you keep stamina. Can’t you see this is counter-productive? I suppose I could be the one out of my mind and that I am being entirely selfish in hoping you come to the same place of joy and rest that I myself was brought to after a struggle that lasted longer than necessary and a weight I wasn’t supposed to carry was lifted, but I don’t think so. At any rate, this is about one year since and I wanted to write this just to say I still see you and I still love you, at this moment more than ever yet. You have turned just a little bit, and that alone has brought me joy enough to remain awake several nights just smiling. You have let down your guard one the rarest of occasions, yet that moment provides the hope of a lifetime in the same risked interaction. I have no promises, no guarantees, no assurance of any kind, yet I cannot turn away from you. There are no moments with you worth trading for any anywhere else. There is no favor, short-lived as it is most often, shown that could spur my prayers and fervent, humble desire on with pure delight that I accept but yours. Even so, I know that my heart is most often than not, misunderstood and I know that there is a great amount of time and growth to be done before this converstation can even be attempted. Yet still, I must reveal. I can hide nothing from you, though I feel I am through for now.
Goodnight.
-Greg
It’s been a little while now, hasn’t it… I mean, since this whole thing started. Just about a year ago I found my heart towards you. In the same moment I discovered you were not as much opposed to this love as you were fearful of it. So much has changed, yet still that hasn’t. I think of you and pray for you almost all day long, and literally (right now) all night long too. I watched you drink away the pain again tonight. I hadn’t seen that side in some time. Later you allowed the shallow wooing of a shallow lover to comfort your flesh and soothe the headache you can’t tell is truly of your heart’s origin. Sure, you laughed through the whole thing, but when you walked by late one afternoon and saw the salt trail on your cheek. I still don’t understand. I know you know that, what I don’t get is why you are so afraid. I pray against it every day. I turn my own heart over to our Father every day. I seek His pleasure above my own and truly want nothing more than for you to know Him as He has bled to let you. One year ago I mistook this pain of a loving fervor for the pain of a annoyed cell-mate. Again, how things have changed, that certainly has.
I hold to the hope that someday you’ll be ready to look into my eyes and receive the joy of your heart’s longing being fulfilled. I hold to the hope that you will be free. I hold to the promise that you are His. I do not always know what to do with the pain of watching you self-destruct. Most times I must remind myself of the awakening that comes when you finally crash into the canyon floor and I hope you’ll let me help you clean up the mess. (though so often I am not only ill equipped for such endeavors but too overwhelmed with joy at your lies’ demise to be of any use!) You ask me for things I pray you don’t receive. Can you understand the torture of such a circumstance? I pray that you finally run out of places to hide and yet you ask me to help you search for somewhere new. I pray you run out of energy to hold up your fortress wall and you ask me to help you keep stamina. Can’t you see this is counter-productive? I suppose I could be the one out of my mind and that I am being entirely selfish in hoping you come to the same place of joy and rest that I myself was brought to after a struggle that lasted longer than necessary and a weight I wasn’t supposed to carry was lifted, but I don’t think so. At any rate, this is about one year since and I wanted to write this just to say I still see you and I still love you, at this moment more than ever yet. You have turned just a little bit, and that alone has brought me joy enough to remain awake several nights just smiling. You have let down your guard one the rarest of occasions, yet that moment provides the hope of a lifetime in the same risked interaction. I have no promises, no guarantees, no assurance of any kind, yet I cannot turn away from you. There are no moments with you worth trading for any anywhere else. There is no favor, short-lived as it is most often, shown that could spur my prayers and fervent, humble desire on with pure delight that I accept but yours. Even so, I know that my heart is most often than not, misunderstood and I know that there is a great amount of time and growth to be done before this converstation can even be attempted. Yet still, I must reveal. I can hide nothing from you, though I feel I am through for now.
Goodnight.
-Greg
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Re: Heartburn
SO... I don't know what is going to come of all this, but the Lord has truly broken my heart in the last few days for one thing and one thing only: to know God's heart. I found myself on my face last night, sobbing and simply longing to know any part of Him that I do not, and I realized that though He has privileged me to hear and see His thoughts and hands and feet at work, I am not intimately acquainted with His heart. After this encounter, He brought me to this passage of scripture in Jeremiah (Chapter 3), and by His grace I will soon hear what He has in it for me. His ways are mysterious sometimes, and I so often wish He were simply CLEAR with His message. Though I do no know that any confusion of the message lives in my filter of hearing and not in His voice. Let His Spirit penetrate my life and teach me what He desires. That's really all I have personally. For more on the internship experiences see: www.bcywominginterns.blogspot.com . Press on.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Is this Right?
This interview is from August of 2005. The source page is YouTube, but for a fuller presentation of Mr. Robertson's statements, see: http://mediamatters.org/clips/200508220006
Yes, I know this is old, but to me, it's new. You know that I am anti-violence, but I think there are things that cross lines for even the most aggressive of people claiming faith in Christ. I've got to wonder what the rest of the world thinks when things like this are spoken from the mouth of one who has the support of many Christians in America. Does this represent the living and dying by the sword? I think it's pretty clear. Now, if Mr. Robertson is making a statement from the viewpoint of America as a political nation, then that's one thing, if however, he is presenting his personal opinion as a Christian leader... well, that's quite another isn't it?
Yes, I know this is old, but to me, it's new. You know that I am anti-violence, but I think there are things that cross lines for even the most aggressive of people claiming faith in Christ. I've got to wonder what the rest of the world thinks when things like this are spoken from the mouth of one who has the support of many Christians in America. Does this represent the living and dying by the sword? I think it's pretty clear. Now, if Mr. Robertson is making a statement from the viewpoint of America as a political nation, then that's one thing, if however, he is presenting his personal opinion as a Christian leader... well, that's quite another isn't it?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Re: Purpose
I have a question for you: which of these circles represents the better hole?
Now, I hope that you are clever enough to notice something here and call me out on it. “Greg,” you ought say, “We don’ have enough information to determine the better hole here. All we have is two dimensions of a three dimensional thing.” I hope you did. If so, bravo! Here’s your missing information:
What am I trying to say in as crude a fashion Microsoft Paint will allows? Well, I think you’re already tracking with me. Are we out for something widespread and shallow in our faith, or do we crave depth? I know of many, many beautifully large and wondrous ministries that seem to be viewable from space, but you know what? They barely break the bedrock of depth and truth. As Paul says, they have not moved on to the meat of faith. On the other hand, I know of only a few holes that, when viewed from above, appear tiny and insignificant, yet when they are truly explored we find they have dared to venture far beyond the bedrock into the core of matters. Though they do not cover a large amount of surface and appear so very weak because of this reality, they have declared their purpose not something of WIDTH, but DEPTH (By which is a hole judged, anyway?), and so find what few have known before them. There are craters out there made by such projectiles that impact a wide and broad area, but do not drive the impacted deeper than a few feet. Then there are those projectiles that, with precision and velocity impact something very small, but make their way into a place further than known before. I hope that you are searching for depth. I myself would rather be and reproduce thousands of narrow holes that plummet miles into the core of faith than gather millions of shallow holes that do not know for what reason others dig, but that's just me.
Now, I hope that you are clever enough to notice something here and call me out on it. “Greg,” you ought say, “We don’ have enough information to determine the better hole here. All we have is two dimensions of a three dimensional thing.” I hope you did. If so, bravo! Here’s your missing information:
What am I trying to say in as crude a fashion Microsoft Paint will allows? Well, I think you’re already tracking with me. Are we out for something widespread and shallow in our faith, or do we crave depth? I know of many, many beautifully large and wondrous ministries that seem to be viewable from space, but you know what? They barely break the bedrock of depth and truth. As Paul says, they have not moved on to the meat of faith. On the other hand, I know of only a few holes that, when viewed from above, appear tiny and insignificant, yet when they are truly explored we find they have dared to venture far beyond the bedrock into the core of matters. Though they do not cover a large amount of surface and appear so very weak because of this reality, they have declared their purpose not something of WIDTH, but DEPTH (By which is a hole judged, anyway?), and so find what few have known before them. There are craters out there made by such projectiles that impact a wide and broad area, but do not drive the impacted deeper than a few feet. Then there are those projectiles that, with precision and velocity impact something very small, but make their way into a place further than known before. I hope that you are searching for depth. I myself would rather be and reproduce thousands of narrow holes that plummet miles into the core of faith than gather millions of shallow holes that do not know for what reason others dig, but that's just me.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Re: My Discontent
Excelsior... this word captured me nearly six years ago when I read a poem by Longfellow of the same name. This word that cried to never be satisfied met my heart and defined it somehow. I knew this word. It described my spirit. It was my nature. “Still higher, ever upward,” that’s what it means. It implies... no... demands dissatisfaction with the plateau and calls for ascent. I didn’t know why this word was so near to me, but recently things have become somewhat clearer in that area. I’m one who really doesn’t like to be in one place very long. I like to know the next place, and have had to learn through much frustration that God will not let me see where I am to be soon if I cannot, even with that knowledge, remain fully present where I am. I tend to become very discontent with my present surroundings, not bored, but restless. As if there is forever a movement that is necessary for me to be taking part in. Excelsior... I for many years I embraced this nature of my heart and spirit. And then I grew tired of attempting to ascend on my own strength and decided I must learn to be content. A different voice said that there was no higher place, there was nothing more to understand or know of God’s intention (all lies), and I believed it. It said that this place was good enough to rest awhile in and that there was much to do here, there was a difference to make in this place. You know what that’s called? When you know something out there is what you’re really after but you choose to either ignore that calling or you substitute something else in its place? Compromise. Compromise is the antithesis of excelsior, and I embraced it for the sake of temporal peace of mind and heart. I didn’t know what else to do.
Even in that plateau, there was my excelsior nature again. What I had settled for could not remain as it was. There must be ascent even in it. So again my flesh declared a journey to what was not mine to know, and what I considered an ascent was actually a haphazard ride straight down. Against everything I’d understood more and more, towards the place from where I began and even further until I was uncertain if I’d ever known anything but the pit. When the time came that my true nature and love could stand it no longer, and my real identity was screaming in my spirit to look at what I’d become, I claimed excelsior once again and found myself on level ground. Thank God this does not last long, and that His hand is forever long enough to reach into the pit and replace us in the Garden of our creation. He is Grace. Though I’d obeyed a different voice and left the Range I knew He’d created for me to find Him in, still He wants me to know Him anyway, and I do.
Now, as I look back on twenty one years, I wonder if for eighteen of them I knew anything but the foothills. My discontent declares there must be more and I long for the mountains. My heart hears a voice that calls me further into a range I did not know existed. My Lord made these mountains to be known. He made my heart to want to explore them and to do so with many others in intimacy and joyful adventure. Everyone makes the journey into the mountains alone and yet together. I must go higher. Sometimes I find a place of rest, as if I do not know where the next step is in this ascent, and I become frustrated once again. I hear that same voice suggesting this be “enough.” I cannot tell you how I hate that voice. I become frustrated with the limbo of between up and down. Sometimes this frustration suggests that I am back in the foothills again, and my heart becomes frightened that all is lost and I with it, but soon the light shines in that shadowed crevice and I see that there is indeed another step and my heart can once again find joy in the journey upward and homeward. This journey is not over, nor close to any from of completion. My discontent rests in the knowledge that there is more to explore in this world of faith, hope, and love. That freedom is presented to the willing that they may move and that there movement may be continuous.
My discontent does not rest in wanting more of this earth, but more of my God. I want to know what He has intended and what He has planned. My joy arrives at His word and it is this beautiful voice that calls me to claim the heights, not that I can look down, but that I may be nearer to His heart itself. You may choose where you will be. You have the right to stay where you are or to climb at your own pace. As for me, excelsior is my heart’s cry and I will run at the next word beckoning me closer that I hear. I wait for you only as long as He does not provide new light on the path. I long for you to come with me, but my desire for Him outweighs everything else. I’ve been accused of having tunnel vision, as if this is somehow a bad thing. I want Him and Him alone. Can you not support that or am I to compromise again? I will not, and it is this desire that keeps me in discontent; certainly joyful with what I have and praising Him for every Truth He has embedded in my heart, yet longing for more in the same moment. I do not thirst, yet I am not satisfied. I am willing to throw off any weight that pulls me away from Him and I am willing to cut any ties that would hinder this ascent. This may seem hasty, even harsh, rude, but I will remind you that I am not in these mountains to solely get to know you better, but Him, and if we are unified on that purpose, we will get to know each other better as we claim His calling. I am here to help you hear that ever beckoning voice. I am here to help shed light on your path if He so let’s me. I am here to declare what I have heard and how I know Him, hearing also of your discoveries and your joys. I hope you understand that I’m not out of my mind, neither am I angry. I long. I pine. I yearn. I am created to know Him and I will chase Him with everything He has given me to do so with. I just thought I’d share that with you, cause I’m not sure if it’ll ever come up in “casual” conversation. Let’s go.
Sincerely,
Greg
Even in that plateau, there was my excelsior nature again. What I had settled for could not remain as it was. There must be ascent even in it. So again my flesh declared a journey to what was not mine to know, and what I considered an ascent was actually a haphazard ride straight down. Against everything I’d understood more and more, towards the place from where I began and even further until I was uncertain if I’d ever known anything but the pit. When the time came that my true nature and love could stand it no longer, and my real identity was screaming in my spirit to look at what I’d become, I claimed excelsior once again and found myself on level ground. Thank God this does not last long, and that His hand is forever long enough to reach into the pit and replace us in the Garden of our creation. He is Grace. Though I’d obeyed a different voice and left the Range I knew He’d created for me to find Him in, still He wants me to know Him anyway, and I do.
Now, as I look back on twenty one years, I wonder if for eighteen of them I knew anything but the foothills. My discontent declares there must be more and I long for the mountains. My heart hears a voice that calls me further into a range I did not know existed. My Lord made these mountains to be known. He made my heart to want to explore them and to do so with many others in intimacy and joyful adventure. Everyone makes the journey into the mountains alone and yet together. I must go higher. Sometimes I find a place of rest, as if I do not know where the next step is in this ascent, and I become frustrated once again. I hear that same voice suggesting this be “enough.” I cannot tell you how I hate that voice. I become frustrated with the limbo of between up and down. Sometimes this frustration suggests that I am back in the foothills again, and my heart becomes frightened that all is lost and I with it, but soon the light shines in that shadowed crevice and I see that there is indeed another step and my heart can once again find joy in the journey upward and homeward. This journey is not over, nor close to any from of completion. My discontent rests in the knowledge that there is more to explore in this world of faith, hope, and love. That freedom is presented to the willing that they may move and that there movement may be continuous.
My discontent does not rest in wanting more of this earth, but more of my God. I want to know what He has intended and what He has planned. My joy arrives at His word and it is this beautiful voice that calls me to claim the heights, not that I can look down, but that I may be nearer to His heart itself. You may choose where you will be. You have the right to stay where you are or to climb at your own pace. As for me, excelsior is my heart’s cry and I will run at the next word beckoning me closer that I hear. I wait for you only as long as He does not provide new light on the path. I long for you to come with me, but my desire for Him outweighs everything else. I’ve been accused of having tunnel vision, as if this is somehow a bad thing. I want Him and Him alone. Can you not support that or am I to compromise again? I will not, and it is this desire that keeps me in discontent; certainly joyful with what I have and praising Him for every Truth He has embedded in my heart, yet longing for more in the same moment. I do not thirst, yet I am not satisfied. I am willing to throw off any weight that pulls me away from Him and I am willing to cut any ties that would hinder this ascent. This may seem hasty, even harsh, rude, but I will remind you that I am not in these mountains to solely get to know you better, but Him, and if we are unified on that purpose, we will get to know each other better as we claim His calling. I am here to help you hear that ever beckoning voice. I am here to help shed light on your path if He so let’s me. I am here to declare what I have heard and how I know Him, hearing also of your discoveries and your joys. I hope you understand that I’m not out of my mind, neither am I angry. I long. I pine. I yearn. I am created to know Him and I will chase Him with everything He has given me to do so with. I just thought I’d share that with you, cause I’m not sure if it’ll ever come up in “casual” conversation. Let’s go.
Sincerely,
Greg
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