Dear You,
Why? Why do you look at this with such eyes? I fear your misunderstanding and yet don’t see how I can help clarify anything. I’ve got to confess I’m tired of being misunderstood in everything whether word, deed, thought, prayer, or look. I’m tired of being undermined. I’m tired of being refused a defense, of having no trial, of not even being aware of the charges. Could you listen for yourself for a minute? I have no defense as He must defend all this, yet I ask- won’t you at least listen to Him? I’m so confused, you are eager yet fearful at the exact same moment, (that circumstance does not confuse me as I am in it as well), what confuses me is why you choose to listen to the fear rather than trust Him to reveal the motivation behind your eagerness, perhaps even show you the shadow behind your fear and bring upon you even more eagerness once you know there’s no true resistance?
I pray for your faith. I pray for your unbelief. I pray for your pain. I pray for your fear. I pray for your wounds… there is so much healing I long to see in your life. Perhaps you will learn to trust again, yet the means is itself the end. I don’t know the how; I wish I could show you a plan. I can’t. You just… go. Reject the lie that you go alone, for you do not. Nevertheless, the how is in going, there’s no other way. It takes risk, don’t think it won’t. That’s what trust is. That’s the nature of faith itself. That is real action. Until you go it’s really just words. Action proceeds from belief- can’t you see that? I fear you believe lies that will not allow you to trust, moreover, they lock you in fear and taint every word I have to say as if it’s somehow said with a harsh tone or with uncompassionate eyes. The worst is that I cannot combat those lies in any other way than this: I really do love you and really wish you’d come. There is nothing but tenderness in this voice, for there is nothing but love I have for you and nothing but blessing I wish for your life.
This has held you so long. I don’t know the root. I don’t know the origin. Who spoke to you these lies? I see the fruit of it. I see the fear. Why can’t you see it’s a distortion? Why won’t you find out for yourself instead of ignoring it all, throwing the whole thing out, and trying to run away? This is our nature in bondage to fear- we act in extreme caution and declare it discernment. It isn’t. We guard our hearts without right and call that healthy protection. It isn’t. We avoid real conversation in the name of wisdom. It isn’t. We want to be ready on our terms and I’m sorry, but in real freedom we don’t have that option anymore. I just don’t understand. You push and pull at the same time. Why? You cry for help, yet in my response I meet eyes that ask, “Why are you here?” All I can dare respond is, “Because I love you.” You know something? It’s true, and it’s not that I choose to, or that I want to, or that I should, but that I just can’t not. Hear this- if this fear does not kill you, it will certainly prohibit you from truly feeling the joy you long for. I guarantee it, and it’s not out of frustration that I speak. It is out of the sincerest desire for you to know exactly the joy that God desires for you in freedom and honest, pure love… because I love you too.
Love,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment