The Circumstances
You are in a dark room, lit only by one light that hangs over a table in the center. On this particular table there are bindings and straps- it is so vile in its depravity. You know these people you have lost your freedom to use it for their own foul and horrid purposes. You know you do not want to be here. You have been stripped, the decency of a single cloth is your only accommodation for these circumstances- you feel less than human. The room is cold and still you grow more and more terrified of who may be coming in for you and what they may do to you. The room, echoing your heart, feels dirty and full of risk. You found this place by accident, never intending your involvement with these people and their secluded organization to get so intense and out of hand. You have little rights with them, indeed, they tell you what your options are anymore and you either comply or face the consequences. What have I gotten myself into is all that you can think as you stare at the door and wait for their latest instructions. What will they have you do this time? Tell them more secrets? Tell them more things you swore you'd never tell anyone? Show them more vulnerability as if you deserve to be at their mercy? Try to resist and yet fail as time and time again before? Someone comes in, they're masked as usual, and you are hardly able to contain yourself and your anxiety. He brings with him others, all masked and dark. They tell you to stand and that they are in control of the situation- your time is up."Everything is going according to plan," they say to one another with pleasure. Fear grips you even still- what does that mean? You do not want to stand. Someone grabs your hand and pulls you up from your place, you cannot bear to resist anymore- they have proven themselves too strong in recent times. This table was meant for you, and you know they are going to injure you. This is going to hurt. They will harm you. How could they?! From the time you met them they said they only wanted to help you. From the first time you spoke to the masked one he said nothing of this. That table is yours. You climb your Golgotha and await your sentance, unwilling to attempt escape. It’s no use. They surround you and look you over. How will they perform their ritual this time? How long have they been practicing this dreadful routine? How many others have been where you are now- at their mercy? How did you come to this place? How did you give them so much power? The man stares at you from behind the mask and says, “Just relax,” but you know it's no use. Then he holds his sinister blade above your flesh and lowers it as you pray to escape into the relief of unconsciousness…
The Question
Where are you? There are many answers that could suffice, but I kind of want to see how this short little verbal presentation affects you. Where do you think you are? (and if we’ve had this conversation before, please don’t answer)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Re: Recent Tunes (v.II, "A New Law")
So... I've been listening to a couple of artists lately that have some pretty good things to say. The first is the ever folksy and ridiculously talented Mr. Marc Scibilia and the other is one known in some circles as "the most dangerous man in music," Mr. Derek Webb. I was privileged to see both of them at the Wealthy Theater in Grand Rapids, Michigan about a week ago and consequently, one of their albums has been playing near my ears since then. Fixity is Marc's only full length release thus far, but it certainly packs a punch. He lulls you onward with very fanciful piano progression all the while that he's sneaking a prophetic challenge and cry into your heart through the back door. Derek Webb has a different approach to say the least. Derek comes at you like a freight train, and as one good friend likes to reflect, "there are times he sings something and you just have to stop and ask 'did he just say that??'" The album of his we're referring to here is Mockingbird, and wow, it is beautiful and hardly a spin off of someone else's efforts. Derek's unique voice and questioning, forceful lyrics say something new each time I play a track. At any rate, both of these men have been on the side of truth this week and in very timely fashion reminding me of some of the beliefs my life holds that just don't find opportunity for expression in my daily surroundings (that being Bethel College and the Northern Indiana Bible belt). I think Derek was brilliant to name his last album "Stockholm Syndrome." Though where I am is not necessarily captivity, sometimes it is much easier to simply blend in or comply with your circumstances than to intentionally affirm what you know to be true. As C.S. Lewis put it (though I can't remember where)- the road to spiritual apathy is comfortable and full of only slight compromises, the kind we always have the intention to return to and fix when no one is looking. A professor of mine likes to say "You can't choose your beliefs," and I tend to agree, however, we can definitely choose what beliefs we protect and remember. At any rate, both of these guys have been influencing my thoughts and faith this past week and I wanted to share a bit of Derek's thoughts with you. Why? Well, because "you deserve it"... like a coke or something. (I think it'll be refreshing)
A New Law
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Don’t teach me about politics and government
Just tell me who to vote for
And don’t teach me about truth and beauty
No, just label my music
And don’t teach me how to live like a free man
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
And don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
I prefer a shot of grape juice
And don’t teach me about loving my enemies
And don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
‘Cause what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
For one you can that cannot get you anything
So do not be afraid
Do not be afraid…
A New Law
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Don’t teach me about politics and government
Just tell me who to vote for
And don’t teach me about truth and beauty
No, just label my music
And don’t teach me how to live like a free man
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
And don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
I prefer a shot of grape juice
And don’t teach me about loving my enemies
And don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
No, just give me a new law
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Just give me that new law
‘Cause what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
For one you can that cannot get you anything
So do not be afraid
Do not be afraid…
Re: Recent Tunes (v. I, "A King and A Kingdom")
So... I've been listening to a couple of artists lately that have some pretty good things to say. The first is the ever folksy and ridiculously talented Mr. Marc Scibilia and the other is one known in some circles as "the most dangerous man in music," Mr. Derek Webb. I was privileged to see both of them at the Wealthy Theater in Grand Rapids, Michigan about a week ago and consequently, one of their albums has been playing near my ears since then. Fixity is Marc's only full length release thus far, but it certainly packs a punch. He lulls you onward with very fanciful piano progression all the while that he's sneaking a prophetic challenge and cry into your heart through the back door. Derek Webb has a different approach to say the least. Derek comes at you like a freight train, and as one good friend likes to reflect, "there are times he sings something and you just have to stop and ask 'did he just say that??'" The album of his we're referring to here is Mockingbird, and wow, it is beautiful and hardly a spin off of someone else's efforts. Derek's unique voice and questioning, forceful lyrics say something new each time I play a track. At any rate, both of these men have been on the side of truth this week and in very timely fashion reminding me of some of the beliefs my life holds that just don't find opportunity for expression in my daily surroundings (that being Bethel College and the Northern Indiana Bible belt). I think Derek was brilliant to name his last album "Stockholm Syndrome." Though where I am is not necessarily captivity, sometimes it is much easier to simply blend in or comply with your circumstances than to intentionally affirm what you know to be true. As C.S. Lewis put it (though I can't remember where)- the road to spiritual apathy is comfortable and full of only slight compromises, the kind we always have the intention to return to and fix when no one is looking. A professor of mine likes to say "You can't choose your beliefs," and I tend to agree, however, we can definitely choose what beliefs we protect and remember. At any rate, both of these guys have been influencing my thoughts and faith this past week and I wanted to share a bit of Derek's thoughts with you. Why? Well, because "you deserve it"... like a coke or something. (I think it'll be refreshing)
A King and A Kingdom
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Who’s your brother, who’s your sister
You just walked past him, I think you missed her
As we’re all migrating to a place where our Father lives
‘Cause we married into a family of immigrants
So my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
There are two great lies that I’ve heard
"The day you eat of the fruit of that tree you will not surely die"
And that "Jesus Christ was a white, middle class Republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like him"
But my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
And nothing unifies like a common enemy
And we’ve got one sure as hell
He may be living in your house
He may be raising up your kids
He may be sleeping with your wife
Oh he may not look like you think
A King and A Kingdom
By: Derek Webb
Album: Mockingbird
Who’s your brother, who’s your sister
You just walked past him, I think you missed her
As we’re all migrating to a place where our Father lives
‘Cause we married into a family of immigrants
So my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
There are two great lies that I’ve heard
"The day you eat of the fruit of that tree you will not surely die"
And that "Jesus Christ was a white, middle class Republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like him"
But my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It’s to a King and a Kingdom
And nothing unifies like a common enemy
And we’ve got one sure as hell
He may be living in your house
He may be raising up your kids
He may be sleeping with your wife
Oh he may not look like you think
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Re: Reconciliation
Forgive my tardiness for this post to this site. This is a former written work and again recently I'm seeing the same word tossed around and the same motivation behind it... so I felt like dusting it off for a minute and letting it fly again.
..............................................................................
[Original Posting September 28,2009]
So I this has been weighing me down for some time because more and more I see this word, "reconciliation" being thrown around and I get the feeling we're letting the world define it and give us our mission rather than letting Jesus declare it and send us with it.
Here goes...
Dear you,
Your passion for reconciliation is good, but you have missed the point. Our Lord did not come to reconcile the world to itself. He did not come to bring peace between the gentiles and Jews, create political stability for Palestine and Israel, harmony between sexual orientations, union to Republicans and Democrats, familiarity for races, neutrality to genders, equality for the rich and poor, or agreement between any other differing ideals! Our Lord Jesus Christ did NOT die on a cross so the world would have peace with itself as if all sin were now abolished (by Him, not through Him) and the enemy no longer has rights to create havoc. The ministry of reconciliation that Jesus came to demonstrate is NOT the reconciliation of the world to itself. Indeed it is entirely the opposite.
• Rom 5:10-11: For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
• Rom 11:15: For if their rejection means the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance mean but life from the dead?
• 2 Cor 5:18: All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…
• 2 Cor 5:19: that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
• 2 Cor 5:20: Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
• Col 1:20-22: …and through Him God was pleased to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of His Cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, as as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before Him…
The concept and nature of this word does connote the idea of some restoration taking place or the exchange of some substance for something else and I think that the Theological implications are greater still. First, I think that the implication made is that a prerequisite for reconciliation is a fall. In order for something to be reconciled, a prior, somehow greater connection between the two things must have been lost. The implications are this, that we were at one time in right relation with God, but through our own choices, we broke the connection between us, offending God, and losing the original greatness of our bond. In order to regain that relationship, reconcile it, that is, payment, or an exchange of some kind must be made. Knowing that the result of sin (that is, the offense of God) is death, the only possible payment for sin (wages, that is) is death itself; therefore, restitution to God is made only in death. However, considering that all humanity has chosen this offense, and that it is impossible for that which is impure to purify itself, it is therefore impossible from humanity’s standpoint to reconcile itself to God. But if the pure were to die, fulfilling the just price of the offense, reconciliation might be had through the pure. That is what happened, the Pure, God himself, chose to reconcile us to Himself by paying the price Himself. The debt was not cancelled as if it never happened- it was paid in full by the indebted! The exchange of His life for each of ours is what defines the reconciliation of humanity back to right relationship with God. In this light reconciliation is in fact, payment, replacement, exchange, and substitution- all combined to identify the act of restoration carried out for debtors to God by God to God (not a redundancy, read it carefully).
The goal of Christ is the reconciliation of the world TO HIMSELF, all things come FROM THIS POINT FIRST, for it only THROUGH HIM that all things are made new. It is not the agreement of holiness and sin, it is the removal of sin to reveal what is holy! It is IN HIM that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, etc.- why are we attempting to reconcile that which cannot be reconciled without the work of Christ taking place first? There can be no reconcilation of the Church and the world outside of Jesus, and even then it is no longer the world, but an expansion and addition to the Church! To have friendship with the world is to be the enemy of God- have we forgotten this? Neither the Jew and Greek nor the Church and the world will be or can be reconciled without FIRST being made new in Jesus, for it is at that point that national origins, political preferences, personal rights and ideals SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO HIS WILL and are thus CONFORMED to the likeness of the SAME IMAGE- Jesus Christ. It is when we seek conforming to the same standard that unity is created, but for the saved, the Church, our standard is Jesus Christ Alone, Who is our Head and Author, can we then submit to the standard of the world which we have been alienated from and estranged to?
I cannot help but let this go from here. As more and more throw this word around as if somehow it is our mission to reconcile others to others I will continue to cringe, for the reconciliation of Christ can only be done as we bring others to HIM and NOT to each other. Reconciliation is not about tolerance and false unity, the bringing together of light and darkness as if that were possible anyway. Rather, it is about being recreated in the same image as the ONLY Reconciler, Jesus Christ, Who has paid our debt by His death on a cursed piece of wood. It is about the rebirth of our life, the renewal of our relationships, the restoration of our purpose, and the reduction of what is not of Him. Let us press on in the ministry of reconciliation as it is intended, not by what the world would rather it be.
In Him,
Me
..............................................................................
[Original Posting September 28,2009]
So I this has been weighing me down for some time because more and more I see this word, "reconciliation" being thrown around and I get the feeling we're letting the world define it and give us our mission rather than letting Jesus declare it and send us with it.
Here goes...
Dear you,
Your passion for reconciliation is good, but you have missed the point. Our Lord did not come to reconcile the world to itself. He did not come to bring peace between the gentiles and Jews, create political stability for Palestine and Israel, harmony between sexual orientations, union to Republicans and Democrats, familiarity for races, neutrality to genders, equality for the rich and poor, or agreement between any other differing ideals! Our Lord Jesus Christ did NOT die on a cross so the world would have peace with itself as if all sin were now abolished (by Him, not through Him) and the enemy no longer has rights to create havoc. The ministry of reconciliation that Jesus came to demonstrate is NOT the reconciliation of the world to itself. Indeed it is entirely the opposite.
• Rom 5:10-11: For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
• Rom 11:15: For if their rejection means the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance mean but life from the dead?
• 2 Cor 5:18: All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…
• 2 Cor 5:19: that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
• 2 Cor 5:20: Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
• Col 1:20-22: …and through Him God was pleased to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of His Cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, as as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before Him…
The concept and nature of this word does connote the idea of some restoration taking place or the exchange of some substance for something else and I think that the Theological implications are greater still. First, I think that the implication made is that a prerequisite for reconciliation is a fall. In order for something to be reconciled, a prior, somehow greater connection between the two things must have been lost. The implications are this, that we were at one time in right relation with God, but through our own choices, we broke the connection between us, offending God, and losing the original greatness of our bond. In order to regain that relationship, reconcile it, that is, payment, or an exchange of some kind must be made. Knowing that the result of sin (that is, the offense of God) is death, the only possible payment for sin (wages, that is) is death itself; therefore, restitution to God is made only in death. However, considering that all humanity has chosen this offense, and that it is impossible for that which is impure to purify itself, it is therefore impossible from humanity’s standpoint to reconcile itself to God. But if the pure were to die, fulfilling the just price of the offense, reconciliation might be had through the pure. That is what happened, the Pure, God himself, chose to reconcile us to Himself by paying the price Himself. The debt was not cancelled as if it never happened- it was paid in full by the indebted! The exchange of His life for each of ours is what defines the reconciliation of humanity back to right relationship with God. In this light reconciliation is in fact, payment, replacement, exchange, and substitution- all combined to identify the act of restoration carried out for debtors to God by God to God (not a redundancy, read it carefully).
The goal of Christ is the reconciliation of the world TO HIMSELF, all things come FROM THIS POINT FIRST, for it only THROUGH HIM that all things are made new. It is not the agreement of holiness and sin, it is the removal of sin to reveal what is holy! It is IN HIM that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, etc.- why are we attempting to reconcile that which cannot be reconciled without the work of Christ taking place first? There can be no reconcilation of the Church and the world outside of Jesus, and even then it is no longer the world, but an expansion and addition to the Church! To have friendship with the world is to be the enemy of God- have we forgotten this? Neither the Jew and Greek nor the Church and the world will be or can be reconciled without FIRST being made new in Jesus, for it is at that point that national origins, political preferences, personal rights and ideals SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO HIS WILL and are thus CONFORMED to the likeness of the SAME IMAGE- Jesus Christ. It is when we seek conforming to the same standard that unity is created, but for the saved, the Church, our standard is Jesus Christ Alone, Who is our Head and Author, can we then submit to the standard of the world which we have been alienated from and estranged to?
I cannot help but let this go from here. As more and more throw this word around as if somehow it is our mission to reconcile others to others I will continue to cringe, for the reconciliation of Christ can only be done as we bring others to HIM and NOT to each other. Reconciliation is not about tolerance and false unity, the bringing together of light and darkness as if that were possible anyway. Rather, it is about being recreated in the same image as the ONLY Reconciler, Jesus Christ, Who has paid our debt by His death on a cursed piece of wood. It is about the rebirth of our life, the renewal of our relationships, the restoration of our purpose, and the reduction of what is not of Him. Let us press on in the ministry of reconciliation as it is intended, not by what the world would rather it be.
In Him,
Me
Friday, August 14, 2009
August 14, 2009: What of Dreams?
Dear you,
I do not know how to talk to you.
Such a notion as conversation seems so…
Small.
That is…
In light of the things I see,
And what I long to show you…
Such a vision cannot be presented with words.
Yet I see you…
And…
Well…
I don’t know what do with that sight either.
Suddenly wetness fills my eyes…
A salty substance I did not invite.
Each bead races down my face…
And falls.
In singularity declaring a hope…
A sighed prayer…
A reckless dream.
Yet on impact with the ground…
The end?
No.
The abundance.
They multiply.
This is how I feel when my dreams land
On His heart.
They explode…
And one suddenly becomes one thousand…
For you.
When I dream for you
It cannot be in terms of one…
For I dream dreams upon dreams...
Countless.
And yet…
Even if you actually found my face…
It wouldn’t help.
The dreams aren’t there…
Only a subtle trace remains.
That’s not what I want to share with you.
The dreams…
All of them…
Have landed in a heart…
And it is heavy.
For dreams can only be seen…
And you know what that means.
So I am still speechless.
Love,
Me
I do not know how to talk to you.
Such a notion as conversation seems so…
Small.
That is…
In light of the things I see,
And what I long to show you…
Such a vision cannot be presented with words.
Yet I see you…
And…
Well…
I don’t know what do with that sight either.
Suddenly wetness fills my eyes…
A salty substance I did not invite.
Each bead races down my face…
And falls.
In singularity declaring a hope…
A sighed prayer…
A reckless dream.
Yet on impact with the ground…
The end?
No.
The abundance.
They multiply.
This is how I feel when my dreams land
On His heart.
They explode…
And one suddenly becomes one thousand…
For you.
When I dream for you
It cannot be in terms of one…
For I dream dreams upon dreams...
Countless.
And yet…
Even if you actually found my face…
It wouldn’t help.
The dreams aren’t there…
Only a subtle trace remains.
That’s not what I want to share with you.
The dreams…
All of them…
Have landed in a heart…
And it is heavy.
For dreams can only be seen…
And you know what that means.
So I am still speechless.
Love,
Me
Thursday, July 30, 2009
July 30, 2009: Something Shallow
Dear you,
I’m sorry.
Those seem to be the only words that my heart allows at the moment…
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’ve been abused… broken… hurt… tricked… taken advantage of… mistreated… downplayed… pained… scarred… hated… lied to.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say…
Except… well.
I love you.
I love you, and the love that I have for you may as well be nothing when compared to the love I am learning to reflect. This reflection is dull… darkened… shallow... overshadowed by my own depravity, selfishness, and humanity, and yet the source, He who shows me pure and true love, has no darkness or dimness. His light is pure and unimaginably freeing. I want to love you that way. May He teach me more honestly and openly, for I see such pain and brokenness in your life. I want you to know this love. I want you to know this joy. I want you to know this FREEDOM. And yet the only words I can say are… I’m sorry. I don’t know why… but I wish I could undo it all. I want to take the pain and the lies away. I want you to know the truth and I want you to be free. I love you. I don’t know what else to do… I know you’re tired of hearing it, yet I feel the resolution to live it before you. Would you dare to see it? Or, will you hide behind closed eyes, tolerating the pain and the sorrow, hoping everyone just goes away?
Open them… please.
You close them and it undermines everything. Glory is ultimately something we must see, not just hear. Love must be known in action, not only speech. I know my words have reached your ears, yet I pray desperately it would reach your eyes, and through them, your heart. My heart is broken for you… even now I don’t know what to do but write in with the simple hope your heart will find a moment to read such things that are daringly expressed in the face of depravity. What is next for us? I don’t know. My love for you burns anew each day, as if the sun itself adds sets my heart ablaze each morning with its rising. Maybe someday I’ll learn the magic words needed to show you what I really mean. Maybe someday I’ll learn the secret of speaking directly to your heart. Maybe someday I’ll really know what you’re thinking and can then speak against the fears and the past pains that numb your ears to His words and close your eyes to His heart. Maybe someday… or maybe someday you’ll just want to know what it is that I see in you, and maybe on that day you’ll be just honest enough to look past me to see the One whom I represent, asking what it is that HE sees in you, calling your name with tears in His eyes, asking you to come home… maybe you’ll look around for the source of the reflection… you’ll learn that I’m nothing but an expression… and you’ll laugh as you realize what it is that you’ve been caught up in, indefinable though seems to be... you'll cry and I'll heave a great sigh of relief and joy and celebration... I'll marvel at what He has done and thank Him for the chance to be part of it for you. I'll look at you and pray you see what He sees. I'll cry in your healing... you'll laugh in His love... and the Kingdom will be ours. I can see it...
And yet in my vision is also the sight of what blocks your view, and for the sake of that sight I am sorry, and I am willing to help you tear down that wall, that you may hold the promises meant for your life, that you might know joy, hope, and peace, that you might run freely and with strength... because I love you, and I want you to know the Reason why.
Love,
Me
.........................................................................................
Micah 7:14-20
14 Shepherd your people with your staff,
the flock of your inheritance,
which lives by itself in a forest,
in fertile pasturelands.
Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead
as in days long ago.
15 "As in the days when you came out of Egypt,
I will show them my wonders."
16 Nations will see and be ashamed,
deprived of all their power.
They will lay their hands on their mouths
and their ears will become deaf.
17 They will lick dust like a snake,
like creatures that crawl on the ground.
They will come trembling out of their dens;
they will turn in fear to the LORD our God
and will be afraid of you.
18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
20 You will be true to Jacob,
and show mercy to Abraham,
as you pledged on oath to our fathers
in days long ago.
I’m sorry.
Those seem to be the only words that my heart allows at the moment…
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’ve been abused… broken… hurt… tricked… taken advantage of… mistreated… downplayed… pained… scarred… hated… lied to.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say…
Except… well.
I love you.
I love you, and the love that I have for you may as well be nothing when compared to the love I am learning to reflect. This reflection is dull… darkened… shallow... overshadowed by my own depravity, selfishness, and humanity, and yet the source, He who shows me pure and true love, has no darkness or dimness. His light is pure and unimaginably freeing. I want to love you that way. May He teach me more honestly and openly, for I see such pain and brokenness in your life. I want you to know this love. I want you to know this joy. I want you to know this FREEDOM. And yet the only words I can say are… I’m sorry. I don’t know why… but I wish I could undo it all. I want to take the pain and the lies away. I want you to know the truth and I want you to be free. I love you. I don’t know what else to do… I know you’re tired of hearing it, yet I feel the resolution to live it before you. Would you dare to see it? Or, will you hide behind closed eyes, tolerating the pain and the sorrow, hoping everyone just goes away?
Open them… please.
You close them and it undermines everything. Glory is ultimately something we must see, not just hear. Love must be known in action, not only speech. I know my words have reached your ears, yet I pray desperately it would reach your eyes, and through them, your heart. My heart is broken for you… even now I don’t know what to do but write in with the simple hope your heart will find a moment to read such things that are daringly expressed in the face of depravity. What is next for us? I don’t know. My love for you burns anew each day, as if the sun itself adds sets my heart ablaze each morning with its rising. Maybe someday I’ll learn the magic words needed to show you what I really mean. Maybe someday I’ll learn the secret of speaking directly to your heart. Maybe someday I’ll really know what you’re thinking and can then speak against the fears and the past pains that numb your ears to His words and close your eyes to His heart. Maybe someday… or maybe someday you’ll just want to know what it is that I see in you, and maybe on that day you’ll be just honest enough to look past me to see the One whom I represent, asking what it is that HE sees in you, calling your name with tears in His eyes, asking you to come home… maybe you’ll look around for the source of the reflection… you’ll learn that I’m nothing but an expression… and you’ll laugh as you realize what it is that you’ve been caught up in, indefinable though seems to be... you'll cry and I'll heave a great sigh of relief and joy and celebration... I'll marvel at what He has done and thank Him for the chance to be part of it for you. I'll look at you and pray you see what He sees. I'll cry in your healing... you'll laugh in His love... and the Kingdom will be ours. I can see it...
And yet in my vision is also the sight of what blocks your view, and for the sake of that sight I am sorry, and I am willing to help you tear down that wall, that you may hold the promises meant for your life, that you might know joy, hope, and peace, that you might run freely and with strength... because I love you, and I want you to know the Reason why.
Love,
Me
.........................................................................................
Micah 7:14-20
14 Shepherd your people with your staff,
the flock of your inheritance,
which lives by itself in a forest,
in fertile pasturelands.
Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead
as in days long ago.
15 "As in the days when you came out of Egypt,
I will show them my wonders."
16 Nations will see and be ashamed,
deprived of all their power.
They will lay their hands on their mouths
and their ears will become deaf.
17 They will lick dust like a snake,
like creatures that crawl on the ground.
They will come trembling out of their dens;
they will turn in fear to the LORD our God
and will be afraid of you.
18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
20 You will be true to Jacob,
and show mercy to Abraham,
as you pledged on oath to our fathers
in days long ago.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Re: Today
Sometimes I want to give up. Period. Like today... there's just this funk about it. The kind of funk that comes from reading ill-casted facebook notes and hearing vomitous words spoken from hardly honest traditions held. These days make me want to go back to a place called "easy." Where all I have to do is sit in a room with a semi-circular table and wait for open minds to come through the door. Where I simply have to choose three or four logically associated lyrically appropriate tunes to string together and inspire willingly led people into emotional highs. Where language arts, background education, and rhetorical skills were afforded more authority than the Holy Spirit's anointing, prophetic spew, or a burdened heart. This day seems more likely to crush me beneath the weight of unwilling hearers and steadfast tradition holders than anything else. Some days it would just be easier to go back to the place of frustration at things that felt less than eternal and were therefore easier to get through. Where a shower and a guitar session did ease the heaviness of my spirit at the disobedience of my friends. Where pursuing an uncommon relationship was the goal rather than the pursuit of a holy one. Those were the days.
Were these days counted? Yes. Was this cost laid on the table and deemed worth every tear? Yes. Was there a moment when I knew I couldn't go back? Yes. Was there a time when I realized that my education was probably all for not? Yes. Was there at any time the option afforded to simply stay and enjoy the temporal happiness of fluid and shallow relationships spend over profane and even evil entertainment? Yes.
So what now? What was that cost counted for? Where is the joyful fruit of nearly two years on the naughty list of people I love and respect? Where is the return of the risky and almost desperate investment in real freedom and empowered speech? Where is the exchange on education for anointing and information for heart cutting truth? Where is the fruit grown from the rain of tears I have let go over lives I couldn't bear watching run down the same path of which I saw death standing at the end?
Where is it?
Oh, it's around. :D
M.M
J.H.
A.B.
D.P.
R.O.
.............................................................
If I Stand
Rich Mullins
There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegence
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
www.kidbrothers.net
Were these days counted? Yes. Was this cost laid on the table and deemed worth every tear? Yes. Was there a moment when I knew I couldn't go back? Yes. Was there a time when I realized that my education was probably all for not? Yes. Was there at any time the option afforded to simply stay and enjoy the temporal happiness of fluid and shallow relationships spend over profane and even evil entertainment? Yes.
So what now? What was that cost counted for? Where is the joyful fruit of nearly two years on the naughty list of people I love and respect? Where is the return of the risky and almost desperate investment in real freedom and empowered speech? Where is the exchange on education for anointing and information for heart cutting truth? Where is the fruit grown from the rain of tears I have let go over lives I couldn't bear watching run down the same path of which I saw death standing at the end?
Where is it?
Oh, it's around. :D
M.M
J.H.
A.B.
D.P.
R.O.
.............................................................
If I Stand
Rich Mullins
There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side
And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegence
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
www.kidbrothers.net
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Decisions
I was told last night by a co-worker who has evidently "seen it all" that at this point in his life he is hoping for nothing else than to "die comfortably." I don't know if I can explain in any amount of words how shocked and absolutely appalled I was. He is admittedly in disbelief of any god or purpose, and as far as his life is concerned now, that's all he wants. He doesn't want the slow, drawn out thing that so many go through. He doesn't want the out of the blue car accident or anything like that. Does this surprise me? No.
My thoughts wander more towards those around me to confess belief and yet chase the very thing my friend is: a comfortable death. Well? How about it? There are thousands of comforts in out lives, things that money affords and things that all kinds of stuff can bring about. I know many believers, some of whom are my closest friends who literally are doing nothing other than "dieing comfortably." Here is my question:
What about the "abundant life" that Jesus Christ claimed He had come to bring? What about freedom? What about fruit?
Is your "abundant life" anything more than "dieing comfortably?" Or is it a drawn out, spiritually fruitful, hell defeating, heaven proclaiming, disciple making, and freedom creating empowered life?
I believe that's for you to decide.
My thoughts wander more towards those around me to confess belief and yet chase the very thing my friend is: a comfortable death. Well? How about it? There are thousands of comforts in out lives, things that money affords and things that all kinds of stuff can bring about. I know many believers, some of whom are my closest friends who literally are doing nothing other than "dieing comfortably." Here is my question:
What about the "abundant life" that Jesus Christ claimed He had come to bring? What about freedom? What about fruit?
Is your "abundant life" anything more than "dieing comfortably?" Or is it a drawn out, spiritually fruitful, hell defeating, heaven proclaiming, disciple making, and freedom creating empowered life?
I believe that's for you to decide.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Heartache
*sigh*
It's about 3:00am where I currently am, and I have had an enduring pain in my soul for several days now. I truly wish I knew how to be rid of it, but clearly such relief is not meant for the present moment. I do not know what is next in my life right now... I suppose that is in itself a very good thing. Work in the mountains never gets old (though this heartache does), and I continue to experience a new brokenness for/in my generation nearly every day. I wonder anymore if this pain is nothing more than a distraction... something to keep me chasing my own hopes and whispered prayers into darker and darker, more secret corners of my life instead of simply spewing them into the air and being rid of the heaviness so often befalling my heart. Somehow my voice is bound and unable to share these things with those around me... I am free with only a few people and there have found no resolution.
I don't know what to do. In all honesty the one thing that comes to mind is weep, and as experience has proven before, that doesn't help. I work among people who not only reject the spiritual nature of their lives, but thwart it, starve it, kill it. They drown the cry of their existence in soulish desires and fruitless experiences. All I really want is some honesty right now I think. I'd like to have an honest and genuine conversation with someone about life in general, but alas, most often what comes from the mouths of those around me are lies bathed in alcohol and caressing flatteries laced with self-interest. Those that I love the most seem afraid to share what they are truly going through, as if vulnerability is something I do not respect and protection is not my most natural and fiercest passion. I truly crave honesty more than anything else right now. Other than that (Perhaps even because of that), I am exhausted. My heart is nearly dehydrated it has wept so often in the last week. My mind feels flat for trying in vain to figure out how such lifestyles as I see are appealing or desired at all. My body wonders when it'll enjoy a normal sleep cycle for just one week's time. My spirit sees the many needs and calls in earnest for authentic and holy help, only to see the enemy sweep in and provide a distorted and shallow solution to eternal problems. All that to say, I ache, and I don't know the nature of the sharpest, deepest tear in my heart, which is perhaps more frustrating than anything else.
It's about 3:00am where I currently am, and I have had an enduring pain in my soul for several days now. I truly wish I knew how to be rid of it, but clearly such relief is not meant for the present moment. I do not know what is next in my life right now... I suppose that is in itself a very good thing. Work in the mountains never gets old (though this heartache does), and I continue to experience a new brokenness for/in my generation nearly every day. I wonder anymore if this pain is nothing more than a distraction... something to keep me chasing my own hopes and whispered prayers into darker and darker, more secret corners of my life instead of simply spewing them into the air and being rid of the heaviness so often befalling my heart. Somehow my voice is bound and unable to share these things with those around me... I am free with only a few people and there have found no resolution.
I don't know what to do. In all honesty the one thing that comes to mind is weep, and as experience has proven before, that doesn't help. I work among people who not only reject the spiritual nature of their lives, but thwart it, starve it, kill it. They drown the cry of their existence in soulish desires and fruitless experiences. All I really want is some honesty right now I think. I'd like to have an honest and genuine conversation with someone about life in general, but alas, most often what comes from the mouths of those around me are lies bathed in alcohol and caressing flatteries laced with self-interest. Those that I love the most seem afraid to share what they are truly going through, as if vulnerability is something I do not respect and protection is not my most natural and fiercest passion. I truly crave honesty more than anything else right now. Other than that (Perhaps even because of that), I am exhausted. My heart is nearly dehydrated it has wept so often in the last week. My mind feels flat for trying in vain to figure out how such lifestyles as I see are appealing or desired at all. My body wonders when it'll enjoy a normal sleep cycle for just one week's time. My spirit sees the many needs and calls in earnest for authentic and holy help, only to see the enemy sweep in and provide a distorted and shallow solution to eternal problems. All that to say, I ache, and I don't know the nature of the sharpest, deepest tear in my heart, which is perhaps more frustrating than anything else.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Rich Mullins on "Love"
Another radical Rich Mullins quote:
If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, may be infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.
Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Rich_Mullins
If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, may be infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.
Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Rich_Mullins
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
June 1, 2009: Time
Dear you,
It’s been a little while now, hasn’t it… I mean, since this whole thing started. Just about a year ago I found my heart towards you. In the same moment I discovered you were not as much opposed to this love as you were fearful of it. So much has changed, yet still that hasn’t. I think of you and pray for you almost all day long, and literally (right now) all night long too. I watched you drink away the pain again tonight. I hadn’t seen that side in some time. Later you allowed the shallow wooing of a shallow lover to comfort your flesh and soothe the headache you can’t tell is truly of your heart’s origin. Sure, you laughed through the whole thing, but when you walked by late one afternoon and saw the salt trail on your cheek. I still don’t understand. I know you know that, what I don’t get is why you are so afraid. I pray against it every day. I turn my own heart over to our Father every day. I seek His pleasure above my own and truly want nothing more than for you to know Him as He has bled to let you. One year ago I mistook this pain of a loving fervor for the pain of a annoyed cell-mate. Again, how things have changed, that certainly has.
I hold to the hope that someday you’ll be ready to look into my eyes and receive the joy of your heart’s longing being fulfilled. I hold to the hope that you will be free. I hold to the promise that you are His. I do not always know what to do with the pain of watching you self-destruct. Most times I must remind myself of the awakening that comes when you finally crash into the canyon floor and I hope you’ll let me help you clean up the mess. (though so often I am not only ill equipped for such endeavors but too overwhelmed with joy at your lies’ demise to be of any use!) You ask me for things I pray you don’t receive. Can you understand the torture of such a circumstance? I pray that you finally run out of places to hide and yet you ask me to help you search for somewhere new. I pray you run out of energy to hold up your fortress wall and you ask me to help you keep stamina. Can’t you see this is counter-productive? I suppose I could be the one out of my mind and that I am being entirely selfish in hoping you come to the same place of joy and rest that I myself was brought to after a struggle that lasted longer than necessary and a weight I wasn’t supposed to carry was lifted, but I don’t think so. At any rate, this is about one year since and I wanted to write this just to say I still see you and I still love you, at this moment more than ever yet. You have turned just a little bit, and that alone has brought me joy enough to remain awake several nights just smiling. You have let down your guard one the rarest of occasions, yet that moment provides the hope of a lifetime in the same risked interaction. I have no promises, no guarantees, no assurance of any kind, yet I cannot turn away from you. There are no moments with you worth trading for any anywhere else. There is no favor, short-lived as it is most often, shown that could spur my prayers and fervent, humble desire on with pure delight that I accept but yours. Even so, I know that my heart is most often than not, misunderstood and I know that there is a great amount of time and growth to be done before this converstation can even be attempted. Yet still, I must reveal. I can hide nothing from you, though I feel I am through for now.
Goodnight.
-Greg
It’s been a little while now, hasn’t it… I mean, since this whole thing started. Just about a year ago I found my heart towards you. In the same moment I discovered you were not as much opposed to this love as you were fearful of it. So much has changed, yet still that hasn’t. I think of you and pray for you almost all day long, and literally (right now) all night long too. I watched you drink away the pain again tonight. I hadn’t seen that side in some time. Later you allowed the shallow wooing of a shallow lover to comfort your flesh and soothe the headache you can’t tell is truly of your heart’s origin. Sure, you laughed through the whole thing, but when you walked by late one afternoon and saw the salt trail on your cheek. I still don’t understand. I know you know that, what I don’t get is why you are so afraid. I pray against it every day. I turn my own heart over to our Father every day. I seek His pleasure above my own and truly want nothing more than for you to know Him as He has bled to let you. One year ago I mistook this pain of a loving fervor for the pain of a annoyed cell-mate. Again, how things have changed, that certainly has.
I hold to the hope that someday you’ll be ready to look into my eyes and receive the joy of your heart’s longing being fulfilled. I hold to the hope that you will be free. I hold to the promise that you are His. I do not always know what to do with the pain of watching you self-destruct. Most times I must remind myself of the awakening that comes when you finally crash into the canyon floor and I hope you’ll let me help you clean up the mess. (though so often I am not only ill equipped for such endeavors but too overwhelmed with joy at your lies’ demise to be of any use!) You ask me for things I pray you don’t receive. Can you understand the torture of such a circumstance? I pray that you finally run out of places to hide and yet you ask me to help you search for somewhere new. I pray you run out of energy to hold up your fortress wall and you ask me to help you keep stamina. Can’t you see this is counter-productive? I suppose I could be the one out of my mind and that I am being entirely selfish in hoping you come to the same place of joy and rest that I myself was brought to after a struggle that lasted longer than necessary and a weight I wasn’t supposed to carry was lifted, but I don’t think so. At any rate, this is about one year since and I wanted to write this just to say I still see you and I still love you, at this moment more than ever yet. You have turned just a little bit, and that alone has brought me joy enough to remain awake several nights just smiling. You have let down your guard one the rarest of occasions, yet that moment provides the hope of a lifetime in the same risked interaction. I have no promises, no guarantees, no assurance of any kind, yet I cannot turn away from you. There are no moments with you worth trading for any anywhere else. There is no favor, short-lived as it is most often, shown that could spur my prayers and fervent, humble desire on with pure delight that I accept but yours. Even so, I know that my heart is most often than not, misunderstood and I know that there is a great amount of time and growth to be done before this converstation can even be attempted. Yet still, I must reveal. I can hide nothing from you, though I feel I am through for now.
Goodnight.
-Greg
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Re: Heartburn
SO... I don't know what is going to come of all this, but the Lord has truly broken my heart in the last few days for one thing and one thing only: to know God's heart. I found myself on my face last night, sobbing and simply longing to know any part of Him that I do not, and I realized that though He has privileged me to hear and see His thoughts and hands and feet at work, I am not intimately acquainted with His heart. After this encounter, He brought me to this passage of scripture in Jeremiah (Chapter 3), and by His grace I will soon hear what He has in it for me. His ways are mysterious sometimes, and I so often wish He were simply CLEAR with His message. Though I do no know that any confusion of the message lives in my filter of hearing and not in His voice. Let His Spirit penetrate my life and teach me what He desires. That's really all I have personally. For more on the internship experiences see: www.bcywominginterns.blogspot.com . Press on.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Is this Right?
This interview is from August of 2005. The source page is YouTube, but for a fuller presentation of Mr. Robertson's statements, see: http://mediamatters.org/clips/200508220006
Yes, I know this is old, but to me, it's new. You know that I am anti-violence, but I think there are things that cross lines for even the most aggressive of people claiming faith in Christ. I've got to wonder what the rest of the world thinks when things like this are spoken from the mouth of one who has the support of many Christians in America. Does this represent the living and dying by the sword? I think it's pretty clear. Now, if Mr. Robertson is making a statement from the viewpoint of America as a political nation, then that's one thing, if however, he is presenting his personal opinion as a Christian leader... well, that's quite another isn't it?
Yes, I know this is old, but to me, it's new. You know that I am anti-violence, but I think there are things that cross lines for even the most aggressive of people claiming faith in Christ. I've got to wonder what the rest of the world thinks when things like this are spoken from the mouth of one who has the support of many Christians in America. Does this represent the living and dying by the sword? I think it's pretty clear. Now, if Mr. Robertson is making a statement from the viewpoint of America as a political nation, then that's one thing, if however, he is presenting his personal opinion as a Christian leader... well, that's quite another isn't it?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Re: Purpose
I have a question for you: which of these circles represents the better hole?
Now, I hope that you are clever enough to notice something here and call me out on it. “Greg,” you ought say, “We don’ have enough information to determine the better hole here. All we have is two dimensions of a three dimensional thing.” I hope you did. If so, bravo! Here’s your missing information:
What am I trying to say in as crude a fashion Microsoft Paint will allows? Well, I think you’re already tracking with me. Are we out for something widespread and shallow in our faith, or do we crave depth? I know of many, many beautifully large and wondrous ministries that seem to be viewable from space, but you know what? They barely break the bedrock of depth and truth. As Paul says, they have not moved on to the meat of faith. On the other hand, I know of only a few holes that, when viewed from above, appear tiny and insignificant, yet when they are truly explored we find they have dared to venture far beyond the bedrock into the core of matters. Though they do not cover a large amount of surface and appear so very weak because of this reality, they have declared their purpose not something of WIDTH, but DEPTH (By which is a hole judged, anyway?), and so find what few have known before them. There are craters out there made by such projectiles that impact a wide and broad area, but do not drive the impacted deeper than a few feet. Then there are those projectiles that, with precision and velocity impact something very small, but make their way into a place further than known before. I hope that you are searching for depth. I myself would rather be and reproduce thousands of narrow holes that plummet miles into the core of faith than gather millions of shallow holes that do not know for what reason others dig, but that's just me.
Now, I hope that you are clever enough to notice something here and call me out on it. “Greg,” you ought say, “We don’ have enough information to determine the better hole here. All we have is two dimensions of a three dimensional thing.” I hope you did. If so, bravo! Here’s your missing information:
What am I trying to say in as crude a fashion Microsoft Paint will allows? Well, I think you’re already tracking with me. Are we out for something widespread and shallow in our faith, or do we crave depth? I know of many, many beautifully large and wondrous ministries that seem to be viewable from space, but you know what? They barely break the bedrock of depth and truth. As Paul says, they have not moved on to the meat of faith. On the other hand, I know of only a few holes that, when viewed from above, appear tiny and insignificant, yet when they are truly explored we find they have dared to venture far beyond the bedrock into the core of matters. Though they do not cover a large amount of surface and appear so very weak because of this reality, they have declared their purpose not something of WIDTH, but DEPTH (By which is a hole judged, anyway?), and so find what few have known before them. There are craters out there made by such projectiles that impact a wide and broad area, but do not drive the impacted deeper than a few feet. Then there are those projectiles that, with precision and velocity impact something very small, but make their way into a place further than known before. I hope that you are searching for depth. I myself would rather be and reproduce thousands of narrow holes that plummet miles into the core of faith than gather millions of shallow holes that do not know for what reason others dig, but that's just me.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Re: My Discontent
Excelsior... this word captured me nearly six years ago when I read a poem by Longfellow of the same name. This word that cried to never be satisfied met my heart and defined it somehow. I knew this word. It described my spirit. It was my nature. “Still higher, ever upward,” that’s what it means. It implies... no... demands dissatisfaction with the plateau and calls for ascent. I didn’t know why this word was so near to me, but recently things have become somewhat clearer in that area. I’m one who really doesn’t like to be in one place very long. I like to know the next place, and have had to learn through much frustration that God will not let me see where I am to be soon if I cannot, even with that knowledge, remain fully present where I am. I tend to become very discontent with my present surroundings, not bored, but restless. As if there is forever a movement that is necessary for me to be taking part in. Excelsior... I for many years I embraced this nature of my heart and spirit. And then I grew tired of attempting to ascend on my own strength and decided I must learn to be content. A different voice said that there was no higher place, there was nothing more to understand or know of God’s intention (all lies), and I believed it. It said that this place was good enough to rest awhile in and that there was much to do here, there was a difference to make in this place. You know what that’s called? When you know something out there is what you’re really after but you choose to either ignore that calling or you substitute something else in its place? Compromise. Compromise is the antithesis of excelsior, and I embraced it for the sake of temporal peace of mind and heart. I didn’t know what else to do.
Even in that plateau, there was my excelsior nature again. What I had settled for could not remain as it was. There must be ascent even in it. So again my flesh declared a journey to what was not mine to know, and what I considered an ascent was actually a haphazard ride straight down. Against everything I’d understood more and more, towards the place from where I began and even further until I was uncertain if I’d ever known anything but the pit. When the time came that my true nature and love could stand it no longer, and my real identity was screaming in my spirit to look at what I’d become, I claimed excelsior once again and found myself on level ground. Thank God this does not last long, and that His hand is forever long enough to reach into the pit and replace us in the Garden of our creation. He is Grace. Though I’d obeyed a different voice and left the Range I knew He’d created for me to find Him in, still He wants me to know Him anyway, and I do.
Now, as I look back on twenty one years, I wonder if for eighteen of them I knew anything but the foothills. My discontent declares there must be more and I long for the mountains. My heart hears a voice that calls me further into a range I did not know existed. My Lord made these mountains to be known. He made my heart to want to explore them and to do so with many others in intimacy and joyful adventure. Everyone makes the journey into the mountains alone and yet together. I must go higher. Sometimes I find a place of rest, as if I do not know where the next step is in this ascent, and I become frustrated once again. I hear that same voice suggesting this be “enough.” I cannot tell you how I hate that voice. I become frustrated with the limbo of between up and down. Sometimes this frustration suggests that I am back in the foothills again, and my heart becomes frightened that all is lost and I with it, but soon the light shines in that shadowed crevice and I see that there is indeed another step and my heart can once again find joy in the journey upward and homeward. This journey is not over, nor close to any from of completion. My discontent rests in the knowledge that there is more to explore in this world of faith, hope, and love. That freedom is presented to the willing that they may move and that there movement may be continuous.
My discontent does not rest in wanting more of this earth, but more of my God. I want to know what He has intended and what He has planned. My joy arrives at His word and it is this beautiful voice that calls me to claim the heights, not that I can look down, but that I may be nearer to His heart itself. You may choose where you will be. You have the right to stay where you are or to climb at your own pace. As for me, excelsior is my heart’s cry and I will run at the next word beckoning me closer that I hear. I wait for you only as long as He does not provide new light on the path. I long for you to come with me, but my desire for Him outweighs everything else. I’ve been accused of having tunnel vision, as if this is somehow a bad thing. I want Him and Him alone. Can you not support that or am I to compromise again? I will not, and it is this desire that keeps me in discontent; certainly joyful with what I have and praising Him for every Truth He has embedded in my heart, yet longing for more in the same moment. I do not thirst, yet I am not satisfied. I am willing to throw off any weight that pulls me away from Him and I am willing to cut any ties that would hinder this ascent. This may seem hasty, even harsh, rude, but I will remind you that I am not in these mountains to solely get to know you better, but Him, and if we are unified on that purpose, we will get to know each other better as we claim His calling. I am here to help you hear that ever beckoning voice. I am here to help shed light on your path if He so let’s me. I am here to declare what I have heard and how I know Him, hearing also of your discoveries and your joys. I hope you understand that I’m not out of my mind, neither am I angry. I long. I pine. I yearn. I am created to know Him and I will chase Him with everything He has given me to do so with. I just thought I’d share that with you, cause I’m not sure if it’ll ever come up in “casual” conversation. Let’s go.
Sincerely,
Greg
Even in that plateau, there was my excelsior nature again. What I had settled for could not remain as it was. There must be ascent even in it. So again my flesh declared a journey to what was not mine to know, and what I considered an ascent was actually a haphazard ride straight down. Against everything I’d understood more and more, towards the place from where I began and even further until I was uncertain if I’d ever known anything but the pit. When the time came that my true nature and love could stand it no longer, and my real identity was screaming in my spirit to look at what I’d become, I claimed excelsior once again and found myself on level ground. Thank God this does not last long, and that His hand is forever long enough to reach into the pit and replace us in the Garden of our creation. He is Grace. Though I’d obeyed a different voice and left the Range I knew He’d created for me to find Him in, still He wants me to know Him anyway, and I do.
Now, as I look back on twenty one years, I wonder if for eighteen of them I knew anything but the foothills. My discontent declares there must be more and I long for the mountains. My heart hears a voice that calls me further into a range I did not know existed. My Lord made these mountains to be known. He made my heart to want to explore them and to do so with many others in intimacy and joyful adventure. Everyone makes the journey into the mountains alone and yet together. I must go higher. Sometimes I find a place of rest, as if I do not know where the next step is in this ascent, and I become frustrated once again. I hear that same voice suggesting this be “enough.” I cannot tell you how I hate that voice. I become frustrated with the limbo of between up and down. Sometimes this frustration suggests that I am back in the foothills again, and my heart becomes frightened that all is lost and I with it, but soon the light shines in that shadowed crevice and I see that there is indeed another step and my heart can once again find joy in the journey upward and homeward. This journey is not over, nor close to any from of completion. My discontent rests in the knowledge that there is more to explore in this world of faith, hope, and love. That freedom is presented to the willing that they may move and that there movement may be continuous.
My discontent does not rest in wanting more of this earth, but more of my God. I want to know what He has intended and what He has planned. My joy arrives at His word and it is this beautiful voice that calls me to claim the heights, not that I can look down, but that I may be nearer to His heart itself. You may choose where you will be. You have the right to stay where you are or to climb at your own pace. As for me, excelsior is my heart’s cry and I will run at the next word beckoning me closer that I hear. I wait for you only as long as He does not provide new light on the path. I long for you to come with me, but my desire for Him outweighs everything else. I’ve been accused of having tunnel vision, as if this is somehow a bad thing. I want Him and Him alone. Can you not support that or am I to compromise again? I will not, and it is this desire that keeps me in discontent; certainly joyful with what I have and praising Him for every Truth He has embedded in my heart, yet longing for more in the same moment. I do not thirst, yet I am not satisfied. I am willing to throw off any weight that pulls me away from Him and I am willing to cut any ties that would hinder this ascent. This may seem hasty, even harsh, rude, but I will remind you that I am not in these mountains to solely get to know you better, but Him, and if we are unified on that purpose, we will get to know each other better as we claim His calling. I am here to help you hear that ever beckoning voice. I am here to help shed light on your path if He so let’s me. I am here to declare what I have heard and how I know Him, hearing also of your discoveries and your joys. I hope you understand that I’m not out of my mind, neither am I angry. I long. I pine. I yearn. I am created to know Him and I will chase Him with everything He has given me to do so with. I just thought I’d share that with you, cause I’m not sure if it’ll ever come up in “casual” conversation. Let’s go.
Sincerely,
Greg
Sunday, April 26, 2009
April 26, 2009: Watch
Dear You,
I’ve been thinking about you all day... I want to say, “I’m sorry” cause I know you don’t like that... you don’t like people paying you special mind at all usually... but I really can’t help it and I can’t apologize. My heart has broken probably ten times at least in the last hour with thoughts of where you are... where you keep yourself. I guess maybe I wonder how scared you are... cause every time I’m around you I just feel like you’re afraid of something, and that something is love. I know you’re not afraid to love, but I wonder if you would let yourself be loved... I wonder how many times you’ve been hurt and therefore refuse to be vulnerable enough for that risk again... my heart breaks for you even now and I can’t explain it. I just want you to know it’s real and it’s good... that it’s nothing to be afraid of and that it will be okay. Am I making stuff up and mistaking what I see? Perhaps, but I wish you’d at least tell me with a straight face and a pure heart I’m wrong if so. I can’t speak for anyone else, so I won’t right here. I love you and I’m willing to show it as best as I can, but as it is I cannot. You’re too afraid. It’s like you’ve put a filter on your vision... a filter that blocks out everything the color of love... so it’s not even there anymore... at least not in your world (It’s allowed in others’ worlds). I know that makes me disappear, or at least most of me... what is safe to see you’ll still recognize. I feel like you’re scared, and that truly hurts... there’s a world here waiting to be added to what you know already... do you even know when you put the filter on? Again, maybe I’m wrong, but I with you’d say so. I’m not trying to be anything but myself here... I’m shy, I’m brave, I’m perceptive, and blind all at the same time, and all I really want is to see you joyful... overwhelmed with the reality of Truth... present in love. I’d speak a thousand words, which is not much by my standards, but I’d do it a million times and maybe that’d count for something... I’d give all that I have, which isn’t much at all, but I’d do it every day and it would be my pleasure... I’d give my life itself (maybe I already have)... no questions asked; I’m willing for you. I don’t have a hero complex and I am not trying to be your savior; I’m much to weak and small for that.
I don’t know what to do anymore... I will not leave this place, actually I can’t anymore than I could decide to move to Saturn. Yet I realize that some of these walls that keep us apart you put up yourself. Most of them erected before my arrival, yet some of them even since. Either way, I cannot do you the injustice of trying to tear them down. So I’ll write this little note to you and slip it through the cracks to be examined and analyzed and inspected... if I’m lucky you’ll declare it worthy of response... as it is now though, I wait. I’m dismantling my walls, hoping you see. I am willing to be seen for what I am, and I am more than willing to let you witness transformation. I am not willing to be static. I am not willing to stay as I am, I long to become what I was created to be and I am not afraid of what that looks like. I am in every sense a creature living in grace, willing to obey the call to freedom and fully devoted to that reality. I don’t know what’s next... I don’t even know if you take me seriously or if I’m now simply “out there” to you. I don’t even know if this makes any sense at all, but my heart broke and, well, this came flooding out.
I don’t know what I’m saying anymore... my heart hurts for you and I feel like you’re afraid. I don’t know what to do about that so I’m rambling with words and dreams and hopes and schemes... trying to figure out if I can help you not be afraid anymore... it’s not that there’s nothing dangerous out here, in fact, there’s more danger “out there” than anywhere else, in that sense your walls have served their purpose, you’re “safe.” The problem is, you are all there is in there, and you and I both know that you are not all that you need and that you are not all that you want. I know you just don’t want to be hurt, but staying in control doesn’t keep that from happening. In fact, it only makes the pain that much worse when it happens, because then you blame yourself for whatever reasons. Yes, there is danger outside of the walls... but I tell you the truth, I’ll protect you with a strength that could not possibly be my own. I’m not asking you to give up being yourself, in fact, I’m asking exactly the opposite. I’m asking you to let others see who you are. I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know what it is I feel like I need to say or even if I can say anything that will really reveal what I’m praying and longing for for you. I guess I’m writing this with a hint of hope and an expectation of tears in the same moment. Maybe what I’m really trying to say is that I’m in this for the long haul. I’ve seen something deeper than what you’ve shown, and I love it, I love you. Can words sway fear? I don’t know, only if they’re true, and these are. I guess all I’m asking is that you watch... just watch and when you see “it”... when it hits you that there is nothing to be afraid of and that even if there is danger it’s worth every moment of freedom you experience: RUN. Watch... with your eyes wide open, filter off, heart peeking ever so cautiously, you’ll see the truth of this love... and I think you’ll find it beautiful. I don't know what else to do. I speak only for myself with this. I can do nothing else. I love you. Goodnight.
Openly,
Greg
I’ve been thinking about you all day... I want to say, “I’m sorry” cause I know you don’t like that... you don’t like people paying you special mind at all usually... but I really can’t help it and I can’t apologize. My heart has broken probably ten times at least in the last hour with thoughts of where you are... where you keep yourself. I guess maybe I wonder how scared you are... cause every time I’m around you I just feel like you’re afraid of something, and that something is love. I know you’re not afraid to love, but I wonder if you would let yourself be loved... I wonder how many times you’ve been hurt and therefore refuse to be vulnerable enough for that risk again... my heart breaks for you even now and I can’t explain it. I just want you to know it’s real and it’s good... that it’s nothing to be afraid of and that it will be okay. Am I making stuff up and mistaking what I see? Perhaps, but I wish you’d at least tell me with a straight face and a pure heart I’m wrong if so. I can’t speak for anyone else, so I won’t right here. I love you and I’m willing to show it as best as I can, but as it is I cannot. You’re too afraid. It’s like you’ve put a filter on your vision... a filter that blocks out everything the color of love... so it’s not even there anymore... at least not in your world (It’s allowed in others’ worlds). I know that makes me disappear, or at least most of me... what is safe to see you’ll still recognize. I feel like you’re scared, and that truly hurts... there’s a world here waiting to be added to what you know already... do you even know when you put the filter on? Again, maybe I’m wrong, but I with you’d say so. I’m not trying to be anything but myself here... I’m shy, I’m brave, I’m perceptive, and blind all at the same time, and all I really want is to see you joyful... overwhelmed with the reality of Truth... present in love. I’d speak a thousand words, which is not much by my standards, but I’d do it a million times and maybe that’d count for something... I’d give all that I have, which isn’t much at all, but I’d do it every day and it would be my pleasure... I’d give my life itself (maybe I already have)... no questions asked; I’m willing for you. I don’t have a hero complex and I am not trying to be your savior; I’m much to weak and small for that.
I don’t know what to do anymore... I will not leave this place, actually I can’t anymore than I could decide to move to Saturn. Yet I realize that some of these walls that keep us apart you put up yourself. Most of them erected before my arrival, yet some of them even since. Either way, I cannot do you the injustice of trying to tear them down. So I’ll write this little note to you and slip it through the cracks to be examined and analyzed and inspected... if I’m lucky you’ll declare it worthy of response... as it is now though, I wait. I’m dismantling my walls, hoping you see. I am willing to be seen for what I am, and I am more than willing to let you witness transformation. I am not willing to be static. I am not willing to stay as I am, I long to become what I was created to be and I am not afraid of what that looks like. I am in every sense a creature living in grace, willing to obey the call to freedom and fully devoted to that reality. I don’t know what’s next... I don’t even know if you take me seriously or if I’m now simply “out there” to you. I don’t even know if this makes any sense at all, but my heart broke and, well, this came flooding out.
I don’t know what I’m saying anymore... my heart hurts for you and I feel like you’re afraid. I don’t know what to do about that so I’m rambling with words and dreams and hopes and schemes... trying to figure out if I can help you not be afraid anymore... it’s not that there’s nothing dangerous out here, in fact, there’s more danger “out there” than anywhere else, in that sense your walls have served their purpose, you’re “safe.” The problem is, you are all there is in there, and you and I both know that you are not all that you need and that you are not all that you want. I know you just don’t want to be hurt, but staying in control doesn’t keep that from happening. In fact, it only makes the pain that much worse when it happens, because then you blame yourself for whatever reasons. Yes, there is danger outside of the walls... but I tell you the truth, I’ll protect you with a strength that could not possibly be my own. I’m not asking you to give up being yourself, in fact, I’m asking exactly the opposite. I’m asking you to let others see who you are. I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know what it is I feel like I need to say or even if I can say anything that will really reveal what I’m praying and longing for for you. I guess I’m writing this with a hint of hope and an expectation of tears in the same moment. Maybe what I’m really trying to say is that I’m in this for the long haul. I’ve seen something deeper than what you’ve shown, and I love it, I love you. Can words sway fear? I don’t know, only if they’re true, and these are. I guess all I’m asking is that you watch... just watch and when you see “it”... when it hits you that there is nothing to be afraid of and that even if there is danger it’s worth every moment of freedom you experience: RUN. Watch... with your eyes wide open, filter off, heart peeking ever so cautiously, you’ll see the truth of this love... and I think you’ll find it beautiful. I don't know what else to do. I speak only for myself with this. I can do nothing else. I love you. Goodnight.
Openly,
Greg
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Re: Childlike Concern
Most people in my sphere of existence are familiar with the music of Five Iron Frenzy. Brave Saint Saturn is side project created by Reese Roper and a few other members of FIF intended to let out more of the dark and intense thoughts they were not comfortable sharing via ska. This band has really captured me many times, the latest being this afternoon. These lyrics are posted for you to read, but I encourage you to listen to the song itself if you can somehow.
I'm not here to interpret a song, but I'll share with you what God wrote on my heart while I was listening if you're willing to listen. What happens to our forever protecting nature? This is not the time or place for a debate on original sin and shameless pain or evil, but I generally think that most of us at one point in time would rather protect the creation than destroy it. There is such a radical shift displayed in this song, and it depicts so many of our lives. How do we regain the childlike concern we cherish and treasure in such words as in this first verse? Maybe that's just me... maybe you don't see those words and feel inside that's the way it should be, then go on to read the second verse and realize that's what reflects reality more often than not. We must regain that concern for the HEALING and restoration that is necessary in the lives of many around us. How long will it be before our hearts break for freedom and healing? How long will it be before our tears "sing?" There's a lot going on in my heart and head right now... I wonder if there might be a bit going on in yours now, too. I hope so.
-Greg
------------------------
Starling
By: Brave Saint Saturn
Album: Anti-Meridian
Filthy bird laying in our yard,
four chambered heart never beat so hard.
Dad said she was almost gone,
upside down out on our lawn.
And I could hold her in a shoe box,
if she heals she could be mine.
And if I cannot save her spirit,
dad says I should break her spine.
Shaking, brilliant, silver-black wings,
Jesus Christ, what prayers these tears sing.
Wear your hearts out on your sleeves for
starlings... starlings.
Of the least of all of these,
are starlings... starlings.
Two years pass, I pumped the chamber,
full of air to shoot the birds.
Harmless game to hit them slightly,
to scare them off, in other words.
Starling falling to her death,
piercing copper steals her breath.
See the flutter in her breast,
starving babies in her nest.
Raise their souls up to the sky,
why must helpless creatures die?
Wear your hearts out on your sleeves for
starlings... starlings.
Of the least of all of these,
are starlings... starlings.
Every breath has sacred weight,
every life has some design.
Can we kill and also save,
speak of life, while digging graves?
I'm not here to interpret a song, but I'll share with you what God wrote on my heart while I was listening if you're willing to listen. What happens to our forever protecting nature? This is not the time or place for a debate on original sin and shameless pain or evil, but I generally think that most of us at one point in time would rather protect the creation than destroy it. There is such a radical shift displayed in this song, and it depicts so many of our lives. How do we regain the childlike concern we cherish and treasure in such words as in this first verse? Maybe that's just me... maybe you don't see those words and feel inside that's the way it should be, then go on to read the second verse and realize that's what reflects reality more often than not. We must regain that concern for the HEALING and restoration that is necessary in the lives of many around us. How long will it be before our hearts break for freedom and healing? How long will it be before our tears "sing?" There's a lot going on in my heart and head right now... I wonder if there might be a bit going on in yours now, too. I hope so.
-Greg
------------------------
Starling
By: Brave Saint Saturn
Album: Anti-Meridian
Filthy bird laying in our yard,
four chambered heart never beat so hard.
Dad said she was almost gone,
upside down out on our lawn.
And I could hold her in a shoe box,
if she heals she could be mine.
And if I cannot save her spirit,
dad says I should break her spine.
Shaking, brilliant, silver-black wings,
Jesus Christ, what prayers these tears sing.
Wear your hearts out on your sleeves for
starlings... starlings.
Of the least of all of these,
are starlings... starlings.
Two years pass, I pumped the chamber,
full of air to shoot the birds.
Harmless game to hit them slightly,
to scare them off, in other words.
Starling falling to her death,
piercing copper steals her breath.
See the flutter in her breast,
starving babies in her nest.
Raise their souls up to the sky,
why must helpless creatures die?
Wear your hearts out on your sleeves for
starlings... starlings.
Of the least of all of these,
are starlings... starlings.
Every breath has sacred weight,
every life has some design.
Can we kill and also save,
speak of life, while digging graves?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Re: Heroism
Just some thoughts spinning around up in my head for the past few days...
What is a hero? You know... those people we look up to as if they have found something we haven't... is there really something extraordinary in their persona or circumstances that make them such... or is it really the notion that it is THEIR persona in the midst of circumstances... if hiding is unnatural... if exposure is so risky and vulnerability is so extremely uncomfortable, yet it's something we all look up to... then what if heroes really are just people who dared to embrace being the person God created them to be? While the rest of the world is mimicking those daring few and thinking to themselves "I'd like to be that" or some such other notion, they are willing to say, "I want to be myself." What does that mean for the extraordinary? What does that mean for the ordinary? What is a hero? I really think I am coming to believe that a hero is simply someone who has done just that... become not just content, but delighted with their created purpose (note this can only be known after coming to a knowing of a purpose Creator)... someone who may just have really, truly said- "I enjoy being me. I am not just comfortable with myself, but as I discover more and more who God intended me to be with Him, I find that I am more and more delighted."
Could it really be?
I know this is repetitive... but I cannot escape thoughts concerned with the truth of our identities. I cannot escape thoughts concerning hiding and exposure and discovery and somewhere along the lines you come into those thoughts... so I wonder what you think back. Maybe we can have a small conversation... maybe not. Either way, let's get out there.
What is a hero? You know... those people we look up to as if they have found something we haven't... is there really something extraordinary in their persona or circumstances that make them such... or is it really the notion that it is THEIR persona in the midst of circumstances... if hiding is unnatural... if exposure is so risky and vulnerability is so extremely uncomfortable, yet it's something we all look up to... then what if heroes really are just people who dared to embrace being the person God created them to be? While the rest of the world is mimicking those daring few and thinking to themselves "I'd like to be that" or some such other notion, they are willing to say, "I want to be myself." What does that mean for the extraordinary? What does that mean for the ordinary? What is a hero? I really think I am coming to believe that a hero is simply someone who has done just that... become not just content, but delighted with their created purpose (note this can only be known after coming to a knowing of a purpose Creator)... someone who may just have really, truly said- "I enjoy being me. I am not just comfortable with myself, but as I discover more and more who God intended me to be with Him, I find that I am more and more delighted."
Could it really be?
I know this is repetitive... but I cannot escape thoughts concerned with the truth of our identities. I cannot escape thoughts concerning hiding and exposure and discovery and somewhere along the lines you come into those thoughts... so I wonder what you think back. Maybe we can have a small conversation... maybe not. Either way, let's get out there.
April 6, 2009: Nope... It's just me
Dear You,
What are you supposed to do when something connects with your heart so purely that you're speechless? (yes, without speech) The song lyric's at the bottom of this page are not (to the best of my knowledge) original to David Crowder, though it is his recording that has struck something deep inside of me. I hear something here... and I can't really explain it. It's more than the rousing war cry that the Supertones evoke from my spirit... it's more than the gentle affirmation that Jars of Clay so often presents to my mind. It's a pain in my chest. This song hurts and I don't exactly know why, except that I feel these words as if a million people were screaming them into my heart, "All of my life, I've been in hiding..." and all I can think is that I want them to COME OUT. The world around us, our lives, our experiences, so often our own people- have done so much to distort the nature and identity that God has intended for us. Yes, I know the effects of sin, the brutality of lies on lives, and there is something here that pulls from within me an enraged cry of "ENOUGH!" There are so many hiding... there are so many hidden. Hurt, broken, deceived, embittered, torn, shattered, puffed up- all hiding. I think back to the response Adam and Eve had in the Garden when they hid themselves. Who from?
From EACH OTHER...
and...
From God Himself.
We are not meant to be hidden.
We are meant to know Him and others and be known as well. Yet we are scared... confused... and for most of us, it has been for what seems like all of our lives that we've been in this place: HIDDEN. I can't really stand it anymore. I myself do not feel hidden- and that has been a very recent freedom, which is really what it is... FREEDOM. Yes, my tactics may seem and feel a bit different than what others may have done before me, but there is something here... something that can't not be done. There is something about this that I cannot escape. Identity... BEING... the question "WHO AM I?" these things, hearing you whisper them under your breath in frustration and even sorrow, they empassion my own soul... this song... these words... YOUR and HIS words speaking to me... my heart. There are so many "wishing there were someone" and I know that I am, in all actuality, someone, and I know that I can help you come out of hiding. I know it's what I was meant to do... to introduce you to Freedom by Name... to introduce you to Truth by Face. Not simply words that carry abstract meaning and connotations of hope or a fleeting and illusive ghostly Being... the master of "hide and seek"... no, not him, but the Being, the One, the Answer, the Revealed, the Exposed (not hidden) God. He, Who truly displayed HIS own nature, was more naked than you or I could ever imagine being, when He died in our places. That is a naked God, not a hidden God. And He reveals Himself so that you yourself may be exposed, and know who you actually are... that you may know Him as He created you to... that you may know the Truth... and that you may be FREE to BE who He created you to be.
Sigh...
Exhale... again... breathe out once more... that's all I've got. There's something here and it just tears me up and puts me together all at the same time. Maybe you'll give it a listen and hear nothing. Maybe you'll hear eternity beckoning. I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm looking for you... I want to know you... I can't as long as you hide... I'm trying my very best to let you see me... to be in plain sight... not just so you see me, but so that you recognize that I want nothing more than for you to join us.
-Greg
.....................................................
Deliver Me
By: David Crowder* Band
From: Illuminate
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me...
Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through
What are you supposed to do when something connects with your heart so purely that you're speechless? (yes, without speech) The song lyric's at the bottom of this page are not (to the best of my knowledge) original to David Crowder, though it is his recording that has struck something deep inside of me. I hear something here... and I can't really explain it. It's more than the rousing war cry that the Supertones evoke from my spirit... it's more than the gentle affirmation that Jars of Clay so often presents to my mind. It's a pain in my chest. This song hurts and I don't exactly know why, except that I feel these words as if a million people were screaming them into my heart, "All of my life, I've been in hiding..." and all I can think is that I want them to COME OUT. The world around us, our lives, our experiences, so often our own people- have done so much to distort the nature and identity that God has intended for us. Yes, I know the effects of sin, the brutality of lies on lives, and there is something here that pulls from within me an enraged cry of "ENOUGH!" There are so many hiding... there are so many hidden. Hurt, broken, deceived, embittered, torn, shattered, puffed up- all hiding. I think back to the response Adam and Eve had in the Garden when they hid themselves. Who from?
From EACH OTHER...
and...
From God Himself.
We are not meant to be hidden.
We are meant to know Him and others and be known as well. Yet we are scared... confused... and for most of us, it has been for what seems like all of our lives that we've been in this place: HIDDEN. I can't really stand it anymore. I myself do not feel hidden- and that has been a very recent freedom, which is really what it is... FREEDOM. Yes, my tactics may seem and feel a bit different than what others may have done before me, but there is something here... something that can't not be done. There is something about this that I cannot escape. Identity... BEING... the question "WHO AM I?" these things, hearing you whisper them under your breath in frustration and even sorrow, they empassion my own soul... this song... these words... YOUR and HIS words speaking to me... my heart. There are so many "wishing there were someone" and I know that I am, in all actuality, someone, and I know that I can help you come out of hiding. I know it's what I was meant to do... to introduce you to Freedom by Name... to introduce you to Truth by Face. Not simply words that carry abstract meaning and connotations of hope or a fleeting and illusive ghostly Being... the master of "hide and seek"... no, not him, but the Being, the One, the Answer, the Revealed, the Exposed (not hidden) God. He, Who truly displayed HIS own nature, was more naked than you or I could ever imagine being, when He died in our places. That is a naked God, not a hidden God. And He reveals Himself so that you yourself may be exposed, and know who you actually are... that you may know Him as He created you to... that you may know the Truth... and that you may be FREE to BE who He created you to be.
Sigh...
Exhale... again... breathe out once more... that's all I've got. There's something here and it just tears me up and puts me together all at the same time. Maybe you'll give it a listen and hear nothing. Maybe you'll hear eternity beckoning. I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm looking for you... I want to know you... I can't as long as you hide... I'm trying my very best to let you see me... to be in plain sight... not just so you see me, but so that you recognize that I want nothing more than for you to join us.
-Greg
.....................................................
Deliver Me
By: David Crowder* Band
From: Illuminate
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me...
Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through
Monday, March 23, 2009
March 23, 2009: Do Not Be Mistaken
Dear you,
(This letter will sound harsh, be warned)
Do not be mistaken, for we will not be blamed for your decisions to remain in bindings and chains, though you try, though you declare it is our fault- this is a lie. There is truth and there are standards, none so high you cannot reach them by becoming low, and none so low you cannot attain by seeing who you truly are. In the same way that a bride will not be shamed by her husband on their day of joy, this Body will not be disgraced for what She "has" or "has not done" on His day as well. Do not think for a moment your slander will be tolerated or held credible. You hold your own destiny in that point. She will be defended with fire, protected with armies, and blessed with the glory of Her Lover's presence.
If for one moment you think you will take away His joy or delight over and in Her; you do not know Him. She will not be put to shame on that day. It will not be She who is removed from favor, for She has hidden nothing from Him. It will not be She who is asked to leave His presence, for She did not invite Herself. No, it will be you: the unknown, the deceitful, the wicked who will be asked to never speak to Them again. It will be you who are removed from the joyful presence of their union. It will be you who cannot work any more division, destruction, or thievery in their lives. She cannot be touched, for She will be His own. She will not be blamed for your bondage or pain. She will not be blamed for your hatred or jealousy. It will not be. Do not be mistaken, your words against Her will not even reach His ears.
In Truth,
Me
..........................
I feel the need to explain this in part: I'm tired of hearing the excuse for unbelief/disregard for the Word of God or the Truth of Christ as the fault of the Church. I do not believe that in the day of the Lord's return (whatever you call it, whenever you consider it to be), that the Beloved Bride of Christ will be shamed by His word or by the word of anyone. I do not believe for a moment that He will look upon her with anything other than pure joy and delight. I do not believe that she will feel guilty, broken, unwelcome, failing, or ashamed when she stands in His presence, and to all those who plan to blame Her actions or lack thereof (whether historically or individually) as the reason they do not know Him are mistaken in their relationship. He will not shame Her, not will He entertain slander/accusation against Her. His declaration will be one of perfection, for He Himself is perfect and She is His. There will be no word brought against her, she will not be tried or even accused. Do not be mistaken.
(This letter will sound harsh, be warned)
Do not be mistaken, for we will not be blamed for your decisions to remain in bindings and chains, though you try, though you declare it is our fault- this is a lie. There is truth and there are standards, none so high you cannot reach them by becoming low, and none so low you cannot attain by seeing who you truly are. In the same way that a bride will not be shamed by her husband on their day of joy, this Body will not be disgraced for what She "has" or "has not done" on His day as well. Do not think for a moment your slander will be tolerated or held credible. You hold your own destiny in that point. She will be defended with fire, protected with armies, and blessed with the glory of Her Lover's presence.
If for one moment you think you will take away His joy or delight over and in Her; you do not know Him. She will not be put to shame on that day. It will not be She who is removed from favor, for She has hidden nothing from Him. It will not be She who is asked to leave His presence, for She did not invite Herself. No, it will be you: the unknown, the deceitful, the wicked who will be asked to never speak to Them again. It will be you who are removed from the joyful presence of their union. It will be you who cannot work any more division, destruction, or thievery in their lives. She cannot be touched, for She will be His own. She will not be blamed for your bondage or pain. She will not be blamed for your hatred or jealousy. It will not be. Do not be mistaken, your words against Her will not even reach His ears.
In Truth,
Me
..........................
I feel the need to explain this in part: I'm tired of hearing the excuse for unbelief/disregard for the Word of God or the Truth of Christ as the fault of the Church. I do not believe that in the day of the Lord's return (whatever you call it, whenever you consider it to be), that the Beloved Bride of Christ will be shamed by His word or by the word of anyone. I do not believe for a moment that He will look upon her with anything other than pure joy and delight. I do not believe that she will feel guilty, broken, unwelcome, failing, or ashamed when she stands in His presence, and to all those who plan to blame Her actions or lack thereof (whether historically or individually) as the reason they do not know Him are mistaken in their relationship. He will not shame Her, not will He entertain slander/accusation against Her. His declaration will be one of perfection, for He Himself is perfect and She is His. There will be no word brought against her, she will not be tried or even accused. Do not be mistaken.
Rapture
Someday...
There will be a moment
When the ground that sees more grief
Than any other ground
Will take part in the singular
Most joyful moment of history
And that grief will be overwhelmed
By the moment
Forgotten forever
There will be a moment
When the ground that sees more grief
Than any other ground
Will take part in the singular
Most joyful moment of history
And that grief will be overwhelmed
By the moment
Forgotten forever
(Company over Location)
Someday...
I'll be brave enough to go with You
To a place known for 'stones and death
And in that place, together, we'll play
I'll be brave enough to go with You
To a place known for 'stones and death
And in that place, together, we'll play
Desert Rose
As I walked through a land of sand and sand
By heat and dryness of all moments
Sometimes over dunes and hills
Others into valleys and deep, deep cliffs
When the dryness never ceased
And where the sun has never set
All at once I noticed at my weary feet
Something I dared not believe though I was there
A flower greeted my journeyed eyes
One such whose shape and color are irrelevant
I adored it there for several moments
Perhaps five minutes, perhaps five days
I thanked God for the display of beauty and life
Singular to this vast land of sand and sand
And then I walked on
By heat and dryness of all moments
Sometimes over dunes and hills
Others into valleys and deep, deep cliffs
When the dryness never ceased
And where the sun has never set
All at once I noticed at my weary feet
Something I dared not believe though I was there
A flower greeted my journeyed eyes
One such whose shape and color are irrelevant
I adored it there for several moments
Perhaps five minutes, perhaps five days
I thanked God for the display of beauty and life
Singular to this vast land of sand and sand
And then I walked on
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Question
Do we live up to the call of sanctification or do we live out of it? What's the difference? Also, do we "pursue" holiness by means of actions/choices (the emphasis being on the what of doing) or do we live in holiness by way of submission (the emphasis being on the Who of what's been done)? Again, what's the difference?
Monday, February 9, 2009
February 8, 2009: Is That All You've Got?
Dear You,
I just don't understand.
Why you can't believe it.
Do you like the struggle?
Do you like the constant
up
and
down?
That's not what He intended,
But of course you know that...
You just think the ride is fun.
(Unnecessary though it is)
At least it's an adventure.
It gives you something to...
Complain about?
How is that so valuable?
"I struggled today..." (Yeah, but you didn't have to)
The struggle is what you live for anymore.
You win somedays...
(Go you)
You lose somedays...
(Awwwe, poor you. Better luck next time)
Who are you fighting anyway?
The air? (That's productive...)
I bet it's not who you think.
I bet... if you look closely.
You'll find it's Him.
What now?
I don't know either.
You like feeling like you can do it?
You like seeing how you can do
what no one else can?
That you've got the smarts?
And you've got the muscle? (All lies...)
Why?
That is my question...
If only you'd answer.
If only you'd admit your state!
Why can't I make you see? (Broken eyes...)
You've been hurt,
(Yep, we all have. Ever been crucified?)
But we've been healed,
And pain isn't our identity.
Joy is.
I want to give up.
Every day.
Every... single... day.
But I love you too much to.
(I can't not)
What's next?
I don't know.
I type a letter to no one,
Who is also everyone.
Wondering "why?"
I pray...
Tears... and... blood? (Yep...)
Here we go again.
Freedom is real.
But it costs everything.
Take it.
Leave it?
Go ahead.
(If you can indeed go.)
I dare you.
I've been wondering how to get in.
I can't.
So I'm calling you out.
You built those walls around yourself.
Why can't you tear them down?
You know you can't escape.
So you pretend you love it here?
That it's where you're meant to be? (More lies...)
I don't understand.
You're meant for open horizons.
Whenever you're ready.
I'm ready.
I love you too much.
I'm still learning,
But I know that much is true.
Goodnight, Beloved.
May these words aggravate.
May your flesh squirm.
May your might fail,
And may His voice prevail.
Love,
Me
I just don't understand.
Why you can't believe it.
Do you like the struggle?
Do you like the constant
up
and
down?
That's not what He intended,
But of course you know that...
You just think the ride is fun.
(Unnecessary though it is)
At least it's an adventure.
It gives you something to...
Complain about?
How is that so valuable?
"I struggled today..." (Yeah, but you didn't have to)
The struggle is what you live for anymore.
You win somedays...
(Go you)
You lose somedays...
(Awwwe, poor you. Better luck next time)
Who are you fighting anyway?
The air? (That's productive...)
I bet it's not who you think.
I bet... if you look closely.
You'll find it's Him.
What now?
I don't know either.
You like feeling like you can do it?
You like seeing how you can do
what no one else can?
That you've got the smarts?
And you've got the muscle? (All lies...)
Why?
That is my question...
If only you'd answer.
If only you'd admit your state!
Why can't I make you see? (Broken eyes...)
You've been hurt,
(Yep, we all have. Ever been crucified?)
But we've been healed,
And pain isn't our identity.
Joy is.
I want to give up.
Every day.
Every... single... day.
But I love you too much to.
(I can't not)
What's next?
I don't know.
I type a letter to no one,
Who is also everyone.
Wondering "why?"
I pray...
Tears... and... blood? (Yep...)
Here we go again.
Freedom is real.
But it costs everything.
Take it.
Leave it?
Go ahead.
(If you can indeed go.)
I dare you.
I've been wondering how to get in.
I can't.
So I'm calling you out.
You built those walls around yourself.
Why can't you tear them down?
You know you can't escape.
So you pretend you love it here?
That it's where you're meant to be? (More lies...)
I don't understand.
You're meant for open horizons.
Whenever you're ready.
I'm ready.
I love you too much.
I'm still learning,
But I know that much is true.
Goodnight, Beloved.
May these words aggravate.
May your flesh squirm.
May your might fail,
And may His voice prevail.
Love,
Me
Friday, January 30, 2009
Re: "Frame of Reference"
I'm dealing with quite a few thoughts lately pertaining to the break of the male/female relationship model in the Church around us. I see the redemption of this relationship in only a few of my friends. Most of the people I know are operating from a broken stance in it, trying to figure out how to best operate within that brokenness rather than seek out how Christ would truly REDEEM and RESTORE it. I think a lot of it has to do with our frame of origin/reference for people. I'll tell you what God has just laid on my heart and hope it makes sense...
He wants me to think of those around me in terms of HIM, not me. This is what I mean... if my frame of reference shifts from one of "friend" to one of "brother/sister" that automatically takes a different understanding of the relationship. To be a friend means that we are dependent on the intentionality and effort of each other for that relationship to progress. Our friendship is based on me and you, on us. What happens when we regard our relationships from the reference of Christ? It's no longer about us. We have to recognize that before this person that we know was "our" friend, they were our brother/sister. We still bear in our minds the frame of reference of us... we see our part in this persons life and not the fact that CHRIST was there first. This is what I mean and how God has been challenging me to think... before I met this girl, Megan, she was my sister. We dated, that somehow brought to my mind the belief that she was "My girlfriend." We broke up. What is she now? My ex-girlfriend? No. That keeps the frame of reference for our relationship on me. She's my sister. She never stopped being my sister, she'll never stop being my sister without eliminating Jesus, the ULTIMATE, BLOOD CONNECTION that we share, from her life. Blood is more powerful and more binding than affection. ETERNAL BLOOD IS MORE CONNECTING THAN TEMPORAL BLOOD! It is more powerful a connection than intention. The people around me are my brothers and sister by their faith and DEATH and LIFE in the same Jesus that mine is in. To see them from any other standpoint or frame of reference is to shortsell our relationship, Christ's work in our lives, and thus keep me as the frame connection.
Might we learn to see those around us from the reference of Him and not us? Might I learn to see you in terms of HIM and not me? I pray so. Perhaps that is what it means to have our eyes made new, as a sister of mine is praying for right now. Perhaps that is what it means to see ourselves unified and connected by HIM foremost and everything else secondarily (DISTANTLY secondary)? I think it is and I think that when we allow that work to happen in our hearts we will begin to see the restoration of what we had before we ruined our relationships. Megan was never "my" girlfriend, she was always my sister and she still is. If I see her as "ex-anything relating to me" than I have subverted the work of Christ in our lives. Father, forgive me for seeing her in that way. For thinking of her in terms of me. Let me see all around me in terms of YOU.
My heart goes out to you right now. There are some that I know can't get over the brokenness of what once was. They long for a restoration of something, not realizing Christ wants to rewind the brokenness not to the point of your intentional connection, but to the point where the only thing that connects is HIM. Does that make sense? I've been rambling a bit and again, this is a bit disorganized and more just thinking through type than anything, but is this plausible? Practical? Can it be done without HIM? I hope not. I pray for the renewing of our minds and the restoration of our relationships. Let us have new eyes.
In Him,
Greg
He wants me to think of those around me in terms of HIM, not me. This is what I mean... if my frame of reference shifts from one of "friend" to one of "brother/sister" that automatically takes a different understanding of the relationship. To be a friend means that we are dependent on the intentionality and effort of each other for that relationship to progress. Our friendship is based on me and you, on us. What happens when we regard our relationships from the reference of Christ? It's no longer about us. We have to recognize that before this person that we know was "our" friend, they were our brother/sister. We still bear in our minds the frame of reference of us... we see our part in this persons life and not the fact that CHRIST was there first. This is what I mean and how God has been challenging me to think... before I met this girl, Megan, she was my sister. We dated, that somehow brought to my mind the belief that she was "My girlfriend." We broke up. What is she now? My ex-girlfriend? No. That keeps the frame of reference for our relationship on me. She's my sister. She never stopped being my sister, she'll never stop being my sister without eliminating Jesus, the ULTIMATE, BLOOD CONNECTION that we share, from her life. Blood is more powerful and more binding than affection. ETERNAL BLOOD IS MORE CONNECTING THAN TEMPORAL BLOOD! It is more powerful a connection than intention. The people around me are my brothers and sister by their faith and DEATH and LIFE in the same Jesus that mine is in. To see them from any other standpoint or frame of reference is to shortsell our relationship, Christ's work in our lives, and thus keep me as the frame connection.
Might we learn to see those around us from the reference of Him and not us? Might I learn to see you in terms of HIM and not me? I pray so. Perhaps that is what it means to have our eyes made new, as a sister of mine is praying for right now. Perhaps that is what it means to see ourselves unified and connected by HIM foremost and everything else secondarily (DISTANTLY secondary)? I think it is and I think that when we allow that work to happen in our hearts we will begin to see the restoration of what we had before we ruined our relationships. Megan was never "my" girlfriend, she was always my sister and she still is. If I see her as "ex-anything relating to me" than I have subverted the work of Christ in our lives. Father, forgive me for seeing her in that way. For thinking of her in terms of me. Let me see all around me in terms of YOU.
My heart goes out to you right now. There are some that I know can't get over the brokenness of what once was. They long for a restoration of something, not realizing Christ wants to rewind the brokenness not to the point of your intentional connection, but to the point where the only thing that connects is HIM. Does that make sense? I've been rambling a bit and again, this is a bit disorganized and more just thinking through type than anything, but is this plausible? Practical? Can it be done without HIM? I hope not. I pray for the renewing of our minds and the restoration of our relationships. Let us have new eyes.
In Him,
Greg
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Re: "D-Day"
So... we know how to celebrate in our country. I don't know much about too many other cultures, but I know that the birthday is a big deal to us Americans. Basically we're saying, "Wahoo! I'm here and I've been here ________ years! Aren't you glad!" I've even heard some Christians speak of their "Spiritual Birthday" as if one day after their physical birthday, generally the day they got "saved," they were brought alive in spirit (while that's a false understanding of the human life, it's not the point here). There's been this recent kick I'm on in my own faith's walk and journey lately. It may seem a bit morbid, but then again, it's altogether necessary to look at. The concept and the truth that I've been really having my eyes opened to is the one of death. Scripture has a lot to say about it, and generally we feel like we know about death and the ideas behind it. Here's something interesting I was reminded of today though...
Do you see what this means! I feel that for far too long we have tried to declare sin and lies and the enemy's work in our lives dead to us. That's WRONG. WE MUST BE THE ONE'S WHO HAVE DIED IN CHRIST! What can be affected when we have died? Who can be accused? Who can be undermined? We died TO SIN, not the other way around. Let that be the truth of our lives.
We know what day we came alive... how about the day we died? My "B-Day" is October 9, 1987, but the day I consider far more important is my "D-day," June 17, 2008. That is the day I stopped trying to declare sin dead in my life, and instead declared myself dead to it. Does that make sense? How many of us have tried to live on as we always have, trying to declare sin dead somehow? It can't be done. We are they who die with CHRIST and are raised again then IN HIM to live AS HIS. He is not plagued by the sins of our corpses. That is why there is freedom in Him.
..............................................
Romans 5-10
Colossians
1 John
Galatians
Previous Thoughts
Romans 6:1-11 (NIV)
1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
Do you see what this means! I feel that for far too long we have tried to declare sin and lies and the enemy's work in our lives dead to us. That's WRONG. WE MUST BE THE ONE'S WHO HAVE DIED IN CHRIST! What can be affected when we have died? Who can be accused? Who can be undermined? We died TO SIN, not the other way around. Let that be the truth of our lives.
We know what day we came alive... how about the day we died? My "B-Day" is October 9, 1987, but the day I consider far more important is my "D-day," June 17, 2008. That is the day I stopped trying to declare sin dead in my life, and instead declared myself dead to it. Does that make sense? How many of us have tried to live on as we always have, trying to declare sin dead somehow? It can't be done. We are they who die with CHRIST and are raised again then IN HIM to live AS HIS. He is not plagued by the sins of our corpses. That is why there is freedom in Him.
..............................................
Romans 5-10
Colossians
1 John
Galatians
Previous Thoughts
Friday, January 23, 2009
January 20, 2009: Wish You Were Here
Dear You,
This is hard.
I see you, though you try to hide.
I feel the pain you keep inside.
I don't know why, other than He lets me sometimes.
You're scared.
I know why, more than that...
I know you don't have to be,
and that is probably the hardest thing of all.
I know of something you think you have,
Yet I can run while you stay right there...
Chained.
I can't bare it.
Why are we so afraid?
Why can't we trust?
Why can't we know?
My experiences are my own.
Yours are your own...
Yet mine are redeemed and I see His hand.
You see torment and anger...
You hide again.
My heart breaks for you in ways I never thought it could.
As I sit here and talk with it, I've never felt such a hurt...
Or a desire...
For your freedom...
For your healing.
Still you try to hide...
Behind smiles...
Behind dreams...
Behind pretend things...
Behind illusions...
Still.
I don't know what to do but pray...
And wait?
I know He is calling you too.
He's called us all.
Only you can silence the other sounds
And hear the still, small voice.
I want to for you...
God knows I do.
So badly.
But...
I can't.
Still you hide?
I don't understand.
You demand vulnerability.
Here we are...
Bare.
Broken.
Exposed.
Willing.
Suffering a love that is not our own...
Gladly willing to know Him better.
Yet you hide?
Or are you trapped?
Of course not...
That would mean
You have no control.
Could anything scare you more?
I doubt it.
And it is even that truth that keeps you
Blind.
How long?
I don't care.
I'm here
For you.
I see you...
You refuse to look back.
I still see you.
And I love you.
Do not be afraid.
Come out and
Be free.
You will know a pain of a
Different kind.
The LOVE kind.
Where hope is all you dare breathe in
and joy is not a fleeting moment.
Where words are flesh and
Surrender is release.
Don't hide anymore.
I'll wait as long as I can.
But I do hope you come soon.
I miss you.
Love,
Me
This is hard.
I see you, though you try to hide.
I feel the pain you keep inside.
I don't know why, other than He lets me sometimes.
You're scared.
I know why, more than that...
I know you don't have to be,
and that is probably the hardest thing of all.
I know of something you think you have,
Yet I can run while you stay right there...
Chained.
I can't bare it.
Why are we so afraid?
Why can't we trust?
Why can't we know?
My experiences are my own.
Yours are your own...
Yet mine are redeemed and I see His hand.
You see torment and anger...
You hide again.
My heart breaks for you in ways I never thought it could.
As I sit here and talk with it, I've never felt such a hurt...
Or a desire...
For your freedom...
For your healing.
Still you try to hide...
Behind smiles...
Behind dreams...
Behind pretend things...
Behind illusions...
Still.
I don't know what to do but pray...
And wait?
I know He is calling you too.
He's called us all.
Only you can silence the other sounds
And hear the still, small voice.
I want to for you...
God knows I do.
So badly.
But...
I can't.
Still you hide?
I don't understand.
You demand vulnerability.
Here we are...
Bare.
Broken.
Exposed.
Willing.
Suffering a love that is not our own...
Gladly willing to know Him better.
Yet you hide?
Or are you trapped?
Of course not...
That would mean
You have no control.
Could anything scare you more?
I doubt it.
And it is even that truth that keeps you
Blind.
How long?
I don't care.
I'm here
For you.
I see you...
You refuse to look back.
I still see you.
And I love you.
Do not be afraid.
Come out and
Be free.
You will know a pain of a
Different kind.
The LOVE kind.
Where hope is all you dare breathe in
and joy is not a fleeting moment.
Where words are flesh and
Surrender is release.
Don't hide anymore.
I'll wait as long as I can.
But I do hope you come soon.
I miss you.
Love,
Me
My Prayer
Simply and beautifully honest. I still love his writing.
My Prayer
By Chris Rice
Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me
Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I’m still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things I’m barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?
Right heart, wrong place
It’s too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You’re right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel You smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper non-sense
Simple exchange
Your will, I’m changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen.
My Prayer
By Chris Rice
Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me
Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I’m still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things I’m barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?
Right heart, wrong place
It’s too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You’re right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel You smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper non-sense
Simple exchange
Your will, I’m changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen.
Re: Tonight
This may be dangerous... it's not nearly as thought out as I'm comfortable with... I don't have the words so more than anything right now this is simply "mind vomit" or something of that nature. I just need to think out loud and wonder if any of you eavesdroppers are willing to intrude beyond simply hearing...
What of beauty? What of the flesh? What of the Spirit?...... as I look around my life, I see a response to something of generations past. The ones who were plagued with anorexia... bulimia... eating disorders of every kind and a hopelessness rooted in lies regarding their image and their beauty... I fear our response as a Church has been no better, for as I look around me tonight, I saw just as much bondage and pain. I wonder... what beauty have we as a Spiritual people emphasized? Have we, instead of teaching a holiness and love and confidence in a Holy Spirit that indwells and empowers us and provides a beauty that is rooted in an unshakeable glory bestowed by a neverlying King, taught our daughters and sisters how to be confident in their flesh? I see it... I don't know what to do with it cause I'm not sure if it's real. I feel that we have, as a response or a reaction to the world around us and its push to be "beautiful" by changing who you are and taking on the appearances and styles of others, instead simply taught the opposite, that the beauty we are born with... that we have from the moment we look in the mirror... is indeed a real beauty and is precious... a reflection of the image of God... priceless... beautiful...
...
I'm sorry... but that still emphasizes the flesh, and I don't believe it is the intention either. I don't believe that we are, as a way of expressing beauty, simply supposed to be confident in our bodies... blah blah blah... I think there' something more. I feel it is imminently connected with the notion of having our minds renewed... where the flesh, as a transparent shell, is nothing but a reflection of that which resides within... not a opaque shell that attempts to hide what lies within. I feel that true beauty is a celebration of faith... a confidence in a relationship... an understanding of identity in HIM who defines beauty by His very nature... I see these things... I see the response of our churches, attempting to react and undo the hurts and pains and wounds of feeling worthless or ugly... but that's just it... it's a reaction... a response... it's not REDEMPTION, the true HEALING... the true FREEDOM of these things. It's not about undoing something as if it never happened... I feel like it's about submitting it to HIM and letting Him REDEEM it so that whether it happened or not, you know He loves you for coming to Him. Even so... where does this come from? From where is this bondage? I see an entire generation's female population plagued by the same wounds... the same hurts... the same pains... because they've had the same experiences.
They've been wounded... though not intentionally... by the very men they are told to call brothers.
They do not know what "brother" means any longer. They have no concept of a pure relationship with their own kind though a different gender... why? THEY NEED HEALING... and yet the men need FREEDOM.
I feel that the intense, extensive bondage and wounding that holds my sisters in this place is one that stems directly from the bondage I see in the lives of my brothers as well... I feel the connection is stronger than I've ever given it credit to be. I feel that if our sisters are to know HEALING it will be as a direct result of we as brothers proclaiming our need for FREEDOM... it will be as our sisters pray and desperately ask God to RESTORE and REDEEM their relationships with their brothers in leading them to freedom and as we as men let ourselves be HUMBLED to the point of declaring WE NEED IT and we want to see them healed, nor for our sakes as men who are afraid to be alone, but so that they may know the love of this Father and His plan to give them protecting, strong, righteous, leading brothers... not that we may better know them, but that we may all better know our Saviour... I feel that the very wounds of our sisters are directly tied to our sins... that in turn their distance and fierce guarding of lives and loves and dreams is a reaction to our pride and self-indulgence. WE MUST SEEK HUMILITY... I am tired of simply wishing for my sisters to know they are beautiful... I long for them to know why. I am not one who will be content with letting them be confident in their flesh... no, I long for the redemption of their WHOLE identities. In turn, I do not wish that the men around me would simply learn a pure way to love... but learn a holy way to live... that the love they might one day express would be born of redemption and holiness and not desire or self. I don't know where I'm going with this any more... simply that I see it and don't know what to do... I see you... I see them... there's so much going on. PORN, Fathers, brothers, women, men... so much of it seems to be a direct attack on the idea of FAMILY... on the notion of individuality as somehow God's intention (I don't think it is)... it's an attack that brings separation and animosity between the second most natural relationship in history... that which occurs between man and woman. What do we do with this attack? I have yet to understand... but I long to see it rebuked... I long to be unquestioned in my motivation for taking the trash out for my sister or asking if they'd like to have dinner sometime. I long to see them healed, so that they will know what it means to have a brother for a husband and son... so that we will know the Truth... and that it might set us free. I'm done ranting... perhaps someday this stuff will be more organized.. I don't know... my heart is heavy.
What of beauty? What of the flesh? What of the Spirit?...... as I look around my life, I see a response to something of generations past. The ones who were plagued with anorexia... bulimia... eating disorders of every kind and a hopelessness rooted in lies regarding their image and their beauty... I fear our response as a Church has been no better, for as I look around me tonight, I saw just as much bondage and pain. I wonder... what beauty have we as a Spiritual people emphasized? Have we, instead of teaching a holiness and love and confidence in a Holy Spirit that indwells and empowers us and provides a beauty that is rooted in an unshakeable glory bestowed by a neverlying King, taught our daughters and sisters how to be confident in their flesh? I see it... I don't know what to do with it cause I'm not sure if it's real. I feel that we have, as a response or a reaction to the world around us and its push to be "beautiful" by changing who you are and taking on the appearances and styles of others, instead simply taught the opposite, that the beauty we are born with... that we have from the moment we look in the mirror... is indeed a real beauty and is precious... a reflection of the image of God... priceless... beautiful...
...
I'm sorry... but that still emphasizes the flesh, and I don't believe it is the intention either. I don't believe that we are, as a way of expressing beauty, simply supposed to be confident in our bodies... blah blah blah... I think there' something more. I feel it is imminently connected with the notion of having our minds renewed... where the flesh, as a transparent shell, is nothing but a reflection of that which resides within... not a opaque shell that attempts to hide what lies within. I feel that true beauty is a celebration of faith... a confidence in a relationship... an understanding of identity in HIM who defines beauty by His very nature... I see these things... I see the response of our churches, attempting to react and undo the hurts and pains and wounds of feeling worthless or ugly... but that's just it... it's a reaction... a response... it's not REDEMPTION, the true HEALING... the true FREEDOM of these things. It's not about undoing something as if it never happened... I feel like it's about submitting it to HIM and letting Him REDEEM it so that whether it happened or not, you know He loves you for coming to Him. Even so... where does this come from? From where is this bondage? I see an entire generation's female population plagued by the same wounds... the same hurts... the same pains... because they've had the same experiences.
They've been wounded... though not intentionally... by the very men they are told to call brothers.
They do not know what "brother" means any longer. They have no concept of a pure relationship with their own kind though a different gender... why? THEY NEED HEALING... and yet the men need FREEDOM.
I feel that the intense, extensive bondage and wounding that holds my sisters in this place is one that stems directly from the bondage I see in the lives of my brothers as well... I feel the connection is stronger than I've ever given it credit to be. I feel that if our sisters are to know HEALING it will be as a direct result of we as brothers proclaiming our need for FREEDOM... it will be as our sisters pray and desperately ask God to RESTORE and REDEEM their relationships with their brothers in leading them to freedom and as we as men let ourselves be HUMBLED to the point of declaring WE NEED IT and we want to see them healed, nor for our sakes as men who are afraid to be alone, but so that they may know the love of this Father and His plan to give them protecting, strong, righteous, leading brothers... not that we may better know them, but that we may all better know our Saviour... I feel that the very wounds of our sisters are directly tied to our sins... that in turn their distance and fierce guarding of lives and loves and dreams is a reaction to our pride and self-indulgence. WE MUST SEEK HUMILITY... I am tired of simply wishing for my sisters to know they are beautiful... I long for them to know why. I am not one who will be content with letting them be confident in their flesh... no, I long for the redemption of their WHOLE identities. In turn, I do not wish that the men around me would simply learn a pure way to love... but learn a holy way to live... that the love they might one day express would be born of redemption and holiness and not desire or self. I don't know where I'm going with this any more... simply that I see it and don't know what to do... I see you... I see them... there's so much going on. PORN, Fathers, brothers, women, men... so much of it seems to be a direct attack on the idea of FAMILY... on the notion of individuality as somehow God's intention (I don't think it is)... it's an attack that brings separation and animosity between the second most natural relationship in history... that which occurs between man and woman. What do we do with this attack? I have yet to understand... but I long to see it rebuked... I long to be unquestioned in my motivation for taking the trash out for my sister or asking if they'd like to have dinner sometime. I long to see them healed, so that they will know what it means to have a brother for a husband and son... so that we will know the Truth... and that it might set us free. I'm done ranting... perhaps someday this stuff will be more organized.. I don't know... my heart is heavy.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Re: Arithmetic
"I am the way, the truth, and the life..."- John 14:6 (Jesus = Full Life)
I recently heard something that disturbed me. It seems that the world around me is looking for completion in religion and is being completely disappointed (What's disturbing about that? Stay tuned...). It thinks that completion and this notion of having a "fullness" or "full life" is what they are meant for and what religion is to them. Do I know where this came from? Well yes and no. I don't know the root of it all, but I can without a doubt recognize the deception of the expectation and in that then realize why so many people around the world are frustrated with their experiences of God or their faith or their religion in general. I will speak to Christianity here, and what I would like to know is the expectation. From what I gather, it seems that more often than not our expectation is that that Jesus will provide an abundant life and joy and completion and fullness on top of what we have already. As if our life were filled to a certain point and the only thing that can put us over the edge is Christ.
FALSE.
The life of Christ is not about fullness in yourself. It is not about being made complete with the understanding that you are holding parts of the puzzle already.
It is about EMPTYING.
Does that make sense? I think that too often we are looking for transformation and change as if something that we have is worth holding on to and the God we are looking for is the rest of the formula. As if:
work + family + knowledge + "love" + money + X + Jesus = Full Life
Sorry, that's wrong. He is the only piece. There is nothing else. There is no other thing that holds a place in a relationship with Him. We want to be filled, but we want the filling without the emptying that MUST take place before it. We want the completion, but we cannot bear risk recognizing our reduction for its sake. The world around us, and many believers that I personally know, want to be filled. Yet they want to be filled with Jesus as an additive, as something that comes along and adds to "life," not REPLACES it. We want the life of transformation and freedom, but rarely see that death is the only way to live it, because then:
work + family + knowledge + "love" + money + X + Jesus - work - family - knowledge - "love" - money - X = Full Life
Jesus + X ≠ Full Life
Jesus + NOTHING = Full Life
If we continue to market/approach Christ as an additive to life, as something that comes and flavors everything else and does not OVERPOWER and REPLACE it all, we will continue to see frustration, hypocrisy, bondage, carnality, deception, false expectation, and confusion within the lives of those testifying to knowing Him. Death precedes life and reduction precedes fulfillment. It is the paradox of His Kingdom, He came that we may have life more abundantly, but that life is not one that comes in addition to what we have already, it is one that entirely replaces it and declares something so radically different that we wonder how we ever called how we used to be "living." We wonder how we could ever had believed we knew what love was without first knowing freedom. I did not know love until I knew freedom. We wonder how we could ever have declared to have joy without first having truth. I did not know joy until I found truth. Most of us have lived shadows of what is intended for us. Most of those around us live poor, sunless, smeared reflections of what Christ has died that they may have, mistaking abundance for an affectionate relationship, wealth, power, physical health. etc.
This frustrates me and though it's not something I'm entirely good at communicating yet, I hope to be soon. We cannot go on promising a life of full life without first laying a foundation for emptying and dying. There is no other way. We are to die to ourselves and take up the life of One who knows no other way than holiness and truth and love. The life of Jesus was one of constant emptying that He may show us the fullness of God. We too must be emptied if we are to be filled. We too are to die if we are to live.
I had the frustration that I speak of. I know the expectation of "Jesus and." It's taught without intention. It's promoted without understanding. But it's still wrong. There is no "Jesus and," there is only Jesus, who is freedom, love, joy, and true life.
X + Jesus ≠ Life
X + Jesus - X = LIFE
................................................................................
Matthew 6
Romans 5-9
John 14-16
Colossians
I recently heard something that disturbed me. It seems that the world around me is looking for completion in religion and is being completely disappointed (What's disturbing about that? Stay tuned...). It thinks that completion and this notion of having a "fullness" or "full life" is what they are meant for and what religion is to them. Do I know where this came from? Well yes and no. I don't know the root of it all, but I can without a doubt recognize the deception of the expectation and in that then realize why so many people around the world are frustrated with their experiences of God or their faith or their religion in general. I will speak to Christianity here, and what I would like to know is the expectation. From what I gather, it seems that more often than not our expectation is that that Jesus will provide an abundant life and joy and completion and fullness on top of what we have already. As if our life were filled to a certain point and the only thing that can put us over the edge is Christ.
FALSE.
The life of Christ is not about fullness in yourself. It is not about being made complete with the understanding that you are holding parts of the puzzle already.
It is about EMPTYING.
Does that make sense? I think that too often we are looking for transformation and change as if something that we have is worth holding on to and the God we are looking for is the rest of the formula. As if:
work + family + knowledge + "love" + money + X + Jesus = Full Life
Sorry, that's wrong. He is the only piece. There is nothing else. There is no other thing that holds a place in a relationship with Him. We want to be filled, but we want the filling without the emptying that MUST take place before it. We want the completion, but we cannot bear risk recognizing our reduction for its sake. The world around us, and many believers that I personally know, want to be filled. Yet they want to be filled with Jesus as an additive, as something that comes along and adds to "life," not REPLACES it. We want the life of transformation and freedom, but rarely see that death is the only way to live it, because then:
work + family + knowledge + "love" + money + X + Jesus - work - family - knowledge - "love" - money - X = Full Life
Jesus + X ≠ Full Life
Jesus + NOTHING = Full Life
If we continue to market/approach Christ as an additive to life, as something that comes and flavors everything else and does not OVERPOWER and REPLACE it all, we will continue to see frustration, hypocrisy, bondage, carnality, deception, false expectation, and confusion within the lives of those testifying to knowing Him. Death precedes life and reduction precedes fulfillment. It is the paradox of His Kingdom, He came that we may have life more abundantly, but that life is not one that comes in addition to what we have already, it is one that entirely replaces it and declares something so radically different that we wonder how we ever called how we used to be "living." We wonder how we could ever had believed we knew what love was without first knowing freedom. I did not know love until I knew freedom. We wonder how we could ever have declared to have joy without first having truth. I did not know joy until I found truth. Most of us have lived shadows of what is intended for us. Most of those around us live poor, sunless, smeared reflections of what Christ has died that they may have, mistaking abundance for an affectionate relationship, wealth, power, physical health. etc.
This frustrates me and though it's not something I'm entirely good at communicating yet, I hope to be soon. We cannot go on promising a life of full life without first laying a foundation for emptying and dying. There is no other way. We are to die to ourselves and take up the life of One who knows no other way than holiness and truth and love. The life of Jesus was one of constant emptying that He may show us the fullness of God. We too must be emptied if we are to be filled. We too are to die if we are to live.
I had the frustration that I speak of. I know the expectation of "Jesus and." It's taught without intention. It's promoted without understanding. But it's still wrong. There is no "Jesus and," there is only Jesus, who is freedom, love, joy, and true life.
X + Jesus ≠ Life
X + Jesus - X = LIFE
................................................................................
Matthew 6
Romans 5-9
John 14-16
Colossians
Re: What the "F" !?!
A few weeks ago there was late night discussion in a second story apartment in St. Charles, Missouri. We spoke of good things and eventually wondered what had become of the unclassifiable person whose ministry many had seen for some time but whom all knew could not ever be reigned in or controlled by anything less than the Spirit of God. Through our discussion, a comical metaphor came about, and though it was meant for jest, it truly does accurately reveal what has happened all over our country. Through whatever motivation, the American concept of ministerial education has become something more along the lines of a factory/package sorting program than a anointing driven passion. We look for the needs and attempt to fill them by educating people and fitting them in to the gap. We recognize only a few types of normal ministry and leave the rest as something unique and special and probably eccentric. To reveal what I mean, this is the story.
...................................................................
All around you are conveyor belts... they run this way and that, going in and out of tubes and tunnels to wherever the next stop along the line of ministry building is. Daily, thousands of packages come into the room and it is your job to sort them out and send them to their respective places of use and development. Each package is marked with a letter, something to distinguish it from the other uses it's counterparts may work within. You've been doing this for several years now and really seem to have it down pat. Coming your way is today's line...
A... this one seems to be the most typical. You have never seen the inside of the package, but know that tons of them come through every week. You assume they are used up pretty quickly and are usually in high demand for the lack of their stamina. Pastors of local small churches, you wonder. Seems to fit the dynamics of what you see in your building each week. You move it to the "A" belt and turn back to sort the rest...
D... Not quite as typical as the A liners, but still in pretty high demand. It's often striped or spotted, something fun and pizazzy marks the D's and you know children are in mind when these come to the line. Who knows what they originally were or what they've gone through, but man are they fun. Time to sort them out and keep it moving so you place the box on the "D" belt and move on...
C... oh ho! You don't see one of these every day! WOW! You've never actually seen one unleashed and you have no idea what it means to be a part of a C functioning ministry. They tend to come wrapped in armor, you know their work must be dangerous. Perhaps these are the foreign missionaries? Perhaps the underground leaders? You really don't know, all you know is that somehow they always seem to get banged up and bruised when you see them come through again.
B... what's to say? You don't know. The "almost there" mindset of these boxes distinguish them from the others. You know the time has been going for some while in their lives and that the numbers are through the roof for their ministerial success. People are always looking for a B to come turn their church into a mega plex and somehow they just don't seem to be moving like they used to. Oh well, down the B chute for it, you know someone's waiting on the other end.
E... Haha, you know exactly what this guy is all about. The passion and energy exude from the box and you know some youth groups somewhere will be pumped up for a few months while E gets a feel for how to connect and stay relevant. The E's come through pretty often in your experience, perhaps quantitatively more so than the A or D, but you've seen a lot of these E's before and know they're often in for re-education and growth experiences so that they remain hip.
The day continues on... A, B, E, D, B, A, A, A, E, B, D, E, B, A, B, A, E, E, E, E, D, F...
Hold up.
F?
What the... F?
Whats an F?
You haven't seen one of these in years and years... in fact, as you glance towards the "F" chute you know it's been at least five since anythings gone that way. The cobwebs and obsolete look forlorn and very discouraging. When was the last time you sent anything that way? Who knows...
F?
You're certain this has been outmoded. It has to have been, nothing can account for the lack of call. You wonder what should be done. You realize something must have gotten mixed up somewhere, and know exactly what to do.
F + _ = E
PERFECT! You know this is what should be done and send the mistagged package down it's chute and continue with your work, wondering just what the F really was in it's time.
C, D, E, E, E, E, A, A, A, A, B, B, D, D, A...
.....................................................................................
There are thousands of men and women around the world who have felt a special calling and anointing from God on their heads. They know they are not youth pastors, children's workers, senior pastors, associate pastors, worship leaders, or missionaries in any of the slightly traditional understandings of these roles. They are the F's. They are the few who will spend years living in broken down homes in the middle of wherever, inner city, anywhere. Where violence and drugs do not enrage them but break them and to hear of a mom leaving a dad because of abuse is not uncommon. Where the people they minister to could have been on the run for years and years and they may go home tonight and never see them again. The F population has been convinced that it's place is in the building, behind a desk, or on the other side of the world instead of on the street, in the car, next door. There are wives and husbands who know they married F's and then one day find themselves searching for that undeniable passion that risks it all, "F!? F!? Where are you? I know I married you? Where have you gone?!" There are youth pastors and senior pastors who will never feel the peace of obedience as long as they are convinced that the church building is their place of ministry. There are men and women who have been gifted to connect with the tossed aside, the broken, used, and the discarded but will never find them sitting across the desk from them in their office. What have we done in slowly outmoding such a gift? I know a few F's myself and I know that their hopes and dreams are to go... who knows where (often only they know of their dream)... but just to go, yet they feel to go means to put too much on the line (though I do not know where this lie has originated, I know that if anything impedes the call of God on a life, it does not reflect the will of the Father). I have seen a few F's released... one such would be Rich Mullins. Anyone who know what I mean by unusual or counter-norm now have an example. I see him as an F, but I would like to know when the other F's will be freed... when the F's will go and make disciples of those the rest will not touch and do so with a blessing and a faithful word that says "WE HAVE YOUR BACK! THOUGH YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE US, WE KNOW YOU MUST GO AND WE SEND YOU EAGERLY!"
I dream of a Church where the F's are sent and blessed on their way out. I dream of a Church where the F's remain as they were from life to death and husbands and wives do not wonder what has happened to the people they were so willing to go anywhere with.
Do you?
Then get the "F's" out of there!
If you are one...
GO.
...................................................................
All around you are conveyor belts... they run this way and that, going in and out of tubes and tunnels to wherever the next stop along the line of ministry building is. Daily, thousands of packages come into the room and it is your job to sort them out and send them to their respective places of use and development. Each package is marked with a letter, something to distinguish it from the other uses it's counterparts may work within. You've been doing this for several years now and really seem to have it down pat. Coming your way is today's line...
A... this one seems to be the most typical. You have never seen the inside of the package, but know that tons of them come through every week. You assume they are used up pretty quickly and are usually in high demand for the lack of their stamina. Pastors of local small churches, you wonder. Seems to fit the dynamics of what you see in your building each week. You move it to the "A" belt and turn back to sort the rest...
D... Not quite as typical as the A liners, but still in pretty high demand. It's often striped or spotted, something fun and pizazzy marks the D's and you know children are in mind when these come to the line. Who knows what they originally were or what they've gone through, but man are they fun. Time to sort them out and keep it moving so you place the box on the "D" belt and move on...
C... oh ho! You don't see one of these every day! WOW! You've never actually seen one unleashed and you have no idea what it means to be a part of a C functioning ministry. They tend to come wrapped in armor, you know their work must be dangerous. Perhaps these are the foreign missionaries? Perhaps the underground leaders? You really don't know, all you know is that somehow they always seem to get banged up and bruised when you see them come through again.
B... what's to say? You don't know. The "almost there" mindset of these boxes distinguish them from the others. You know the time has been going for some while in their lives and that the numbers are through the roof for their ministerial success. People are always looking for a B to come turn their church into a mega plex and somehow they just don't seem to be moving like they used to. Oh well, down the B chute for it, you know someone's waiting on the other end.
E... Haha, you know exactly what this guy is all about. The passion and energy exude from the box and you know some youth groups somewhere will be pumped up for a few months while E gets a feel for how to connect and stay relevant. The E's come through pretty often in your experience, perhaps quantitatively more so than the A or D, but you've seen a lot of these E's before and know they're often in for re-education and growth experiences so that they remain hip.
The day continues on... A, B, E, D, B, A, A, A, E, B, D, E, B, A, B, A, E, E, E, E, D, F...
Hold up.
F?
What the... F?
Whats an F?
You haven't seen one of these in years and years... in fact, as you glance towards the "F" chute you know it's been at least five since anythings gone that way. The cobwebs and obsolete look forlorn and very discouraging. When was the last time you sent anything that way? Who knows...
F?
You're certain this has been outmoded. It has to have been, nothing can account for the lack of call. You wonder what should be done. You realize something must have gotten mixed up somewhere, and know exactly what to do.
F + _ = E
PERFECT! You know this is what should be done and send the mistagged package down it's chute and continue with your work, wondering just what the F really was in it's time.
C, D, E, E, E, E, A, A, A, A, B, B, D, D, A...
.....................................................................................
There are thousands of men and women around the world who have felt a special calling and anointing from God on their heads. They know they are not youth pastors, children's workers, senior pastors, associate pastors, worship leaders, or missionaries in any of the slightly traditional understandings of these roles. They are the F's. They are the few who will spend years living in broken down homes in the middle of wherever, inner city, anywhere. Where violence and drugs do not enrage them but break them and to hear of a mom leaving a dad because of abuse is not uncommon. Where the people they minister to could have been on the run for years and years and they may go home tonight and never see them again. The F population has been convinced that it's place is in the building, behind a desk, or on the other side of the world instead of on the street, in the car, next door. There are wives and husbands who know they married F's and then one day find themselves searching for that undeniable passion that risks it all, "F!? F!? Where are you? I know I married you? Where have you gone?!" There are youth pastors and senior pastors who will never feel the peace of obedience as long as they are convinced that the church building is their place of ministry. There are men and women who have been gifted to connect with the tossed aside, the broken, used, and the discarded but will never find them sitting across the desk from them in their office. What have we done in slowly outmoding such a gift? I know a few F's myself and I know that their hopes and dreams are to go... who knows where (often only they know of their dream)... but just to go, yet they feel to go means to put too much on the line (though I do not know where this lie has originated, I know that if anything impedes the call of God on a life, it does not reflect the will of the Father). I have seen a few F's released... one such would be Rich Mullins. Anyone who know what I mean by unusual or counter-norm now have an example. I see him as an F, but I would like to know when the other F's will be freed... when the F's will go and make disciples of those the rest will not touch and do so with a blessing and a faithful word that says "WE HAVE YOUR BACK! THOUGH YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE US, WE KNOW YOU MUST GO AND WE SEND YOU EAGERLY!"
I dream of a Church where the F's are sent and blessed on their way out. I dream of a Church where the F's remain as they were from life to death and husbands and wives do not wonder what has happened to the people they were so willing to go anywhere with.
Do you?
Then get the "F's" out of there!
If you are one...
GO.
Rich Mullins on Humanity
This is the spoken intro to a song entitled Higher Education in the Book of Love and I am finding myself more and more thoughtful of it's truth. I do not know if it is originally Rich's or not, but at any rate, it's good.
Higher Education in the Book of Love: Into
(The Emphases are obviously mine)
What does it mean to be human?
I cannot help but suspect that at one time in the history of thinking that people believed that it meant that we were spiritual and that we could make choices and were capable of aspiring to higher ideals... like maybe loyalty or maybe faith... or maybe even love.
But now we are told by people who think they know, that we vary from amoeba only in the complexity of our makeup and not in what we essentially are. They would have us think as Dysart said that we are forever bound up in certain genetic reigns - that we are merely products of the way things are and not free - not free to be the people who make them that way. They would have us see ourselves as products so that we could believe that we were something to be made - something to be used and then something to be disposed of. Used in their wars - used for their gains and then set aside when we get in their way. Well, who are they? They are the few who sit at the top of the heap -dung heap though it is - and who say it is better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven. Well, I do not know that we can have a Heaven here on earth, but I am sure we need not have a Hell either. What does it mean to be human? I cannot help but believe that it means we are spiritual - that we are responsible and that we are free- that we are responsible to be free.
.........................................................................................
From "Never Picture Perfect," Copyright 1989 - Edward Grant, Inc.
Source Page: http://www.kidbrothers.net/
Higher Education in the Book of Love: Into
(The Emphases are obviously mine)
What does it mean to be human?
I cannot help but suspect that at one time in the history of thinking that people believed that it meant that we were spiritual and that we could make choices and were capable of aspiring to higher ideals... like maybe loyalty or maybe faith... or maybe even love.
But now we are told by people who think they know, that we vary from amoeba only in the complexity of our makeup and not in what we essentially are. They would have us think as Dysart said that we are forever bound up in certain genetic reigns - that we are merely products of the way things are and not free - not free to be the people who make them that way. They would have us see ourselves as products so that we could believe that we were something to be made - something to be used and then something to be disposed of. Used in their wars - used for their gains and then set aside when we get in their way. Well, who are they? They are the few who sit at the top of the heap -dung heap though it is - and who say it is better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven. Well, I do not know that we can have a Heaven here on earth, but I am sure we need not have a Hell either. What does it mean to be human? I cannot help but believe that it means we are spiritual - that we are responsible and that we are free- that we are responsible to be free.
.........................................................................................
From "Never Picture Perfect," Copyright 1989 - Edward Grant, Inc.
Source Page: http://www.kidbrothers.net/
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