Re: Identity

“The trouble with living sacrifices is that we tend to crawl off the altar.”
-Many friends


How often in my life have I done so… too many times to count. More so than this, how many times have I, having crawled off said altar, asked God to replace the flesh He’d just consumed? I look back and even look on, knowing that taking a step of submission to His will and declaring myself dead in my flesh and alive only to Him as He has so called and delivered me means having no rights at all. I look back on so many times when I put myself on that altar and asked God to do with me whatever He wanted, how often I was offended at what He chose to remove first, saying “No, God, not that! That is pleasing to You! I know that can stay…” As if I can tell God what pleases Him and what does not. That isn’t laying down any rights or expectations though… How many times have I checked the wound of what He’d just burned off and felt the sting and the pain of something long gone and asked Him to replace it with something similar! At those times I recognized those things as a part of me- yet now I know that was a lie. Those things were never a part of who I am, they were additions… mutations… even tumors, yet now as I see them through His eyes I see they were indeed chains. Chains I had so willingly grafted into my skin and let become a part of me, foreign though they were, I’d let them have control over different areas of a life intended for God’s use and purposes. Those are the first areas God moved and cleansed with fire and somehow I felt it necessary to ask Him to replace them? Then, when He wouldn’t- how often did I take it upon myself to find something to fill in that new gap? Somehow I felt incomplete without those things- I believed I needed them to be me- that was a lie. As God removes those additions/chains, we’re taken aback and shocked at our newfound mobility, the enemy tries to make us think such freedom is unholy and outside of God’s will when in fact it is captivity through such deception, the truest work of the devil, that is unholy! How the devil does work- such lies… such mockery of what God intended, and so often with our permission.

God is truth. In Him there is no falsehood. He does not deceive and He does not make mistakes. By in His infinite love He has placed within our capacity the ability to make for ourselves an identity or give up all rights and let Him make us what He wants and wills- the right to choose, the ability of free will. To choose the former means we rule our own lives- become “self-made” men and women. We take pride in who we’ve made ourselves to be and look back on our lives thinking, “I’ve done alright for myself.” That former option takes all in stride and adjusts as needed… the charisma and power, the beauty and success, the failure and the punishment- all are seen as part of the game of life; their identity is no surprise to them because it is they who formed it. However, to choose the latter means to lay down all expectations and desires, to forfeit all rights and options. They place themselves by faith in the hand of God declaring His will sovereign in their life and His ways pure and just. They don’t get a say in the design scheme or the logistical anythings regarding what that will look like- we merely know the model, Jesus Christ. When you turn your life over to God, you ought to know instantly what He is going to fashion you after- His Son. He is going to transform you from a son or daughter of Adam into a son or daughter of God. His glory is declared as we submit to being conformed to the image of perfect holiness, righteousness, blamelessness and purity. If you don’t like who Jesus was or what He did- you aren’t going to be a big fan of God’s will for you life. But as I’m discovering more and more by His grace, as I am amazed more and more by who my God is and who my Savior is- I can’t help but desire with everything in me to be more like Him, the hard part is that desiring to be more like Him means giving up more of who I think I should be.

I think I should be accepted- yet Jesus was rejected. I think I should be funny and easy to get a long with- yet Jesus often offended people at the core of who they were. I think I should be tolerant or someone won’t think I love them- yet Jesus’ love called us to a higher standard of living and demanded we let go of what was not declaring His glory. So many of the things I think I should be I find appealing to the world- yet the world HATED Jesus and killed Him. In the last two months I feel like I've lost more friends than made them... it seems like my life is becoming smaller instead of larger. Does that reflect the life of Jesus? I guess now I'm back to that altar… I can’t ask Him to replace anything He’s taken away… I know He’s forging someone I never knew was there and that I will be overjoyed at what He has done, yet I know that to look like Him and chase His presence is to become marked for suffering and pain and heartache and burdens and tears and storms and grief and distance and loneliness and death- can I turn away as He has already endured all such things before me? No. He is the pioneer of our faith, the One who for the sake of His glory and the Father’s will ought of His perfect love endured all things. Can I expect to be exempt from His experiences? No, the only expectation I have is that He will continue to be faithful and He will fulfill His promises for HE IS GOOD. I think more fire needs to fall- it’s probably going to hurt a lot for my flesh, yet for this spirit, as I see more and more of who HE is… the truest idea of who I am in Him is finally coming through. Praise God.