This may be dangerous... it's not nearly as thought out as I'm comfortable with... I don't have the words so more than anything right now this is simply "mind vomit" or something of that nature. I just need to think out loud and wonder if any of you eavesdroppers are willing to intrude beyond simply hearing...
What of beauty? What of the flesh? What of the Spirit?...... as I look around my life, I see a response to something of generations past. The ones who were plagued with anorexia... bulimia... eating disorders of every kind and a hopelessness rooted in lies regarding their image and their beauty... I fear our response as a Church has been no better, for as I look around me tonight, I saw just as much bondage and pain. I wonder... what beauty have we as a Spiritual people emphasized? Have we, instead of teaching a holiness and love and confidence in a Holy Spirit that indwells and empowers us and provides a beauty that is rooted in an unshakeable glory bestowed by a neverlying King, taught our daughters and sisters how to be confident in their flesh? I see it... I don't know what to do with it cause I'm not sure if it's real. I feel that we have, as a response or a reaction to the world around us and its push to be "beautiful" by changing who you are and taking on the appearances and styles of others, instead simply taught the opposite, that the beauty we are born with... that we have from the moment we look in the mirror... is indeed a real beauty and is precious... a reflection of the image of God... priceless... beautiful...
...
I'm sorry... but that still emphasizes the flesh, and I don't believe it is the intention either. I don't believe that we are, as a way of expressing beauty, simply supposed to be confident in our bodies... blah blah blah... I think there' something more. I feel it is imminently connected with the notion of having our minds renewed... where the flesh, as a transparent shell, is nothing but a reflection of that which resides within... not a opaque shell that attempts to hide what lies within. I feel that true beauty is a celebration of faith... a confidence in a relationship... an understanding of identity in HIM who defines beauty by His very nature... I see these things... I see the response of our churches, attempting to react and undo the hurts and pains and wounds of feeling worthless or ugly... but that's just it... it's a reaction... a response... it's not REDEMPTION, the true HEALING... the true FREEDOM of these things. It's not about undoing something as if it never happened... I feel like it's about submitting it to HIM and letting Him REDEEM it so that whether it happened or not, you know He loves you for coming to Him. Even so... where does this come from? From where is this bondage? I see an entire generation's female population plagued by the same wounds... the same hurts... the same pains... because they've had the same experiences.
They've been wounded... though not intentionally... by the very men they are told to call brothers.
They do not know what "brother" means any longer. They have no concept of a pure relationship with their own kind though a different gender... why? THEY NEED HEALING... and yet the men need FREEDOM.
I feel that the intense, extensive bondage and wounding that holds my sisters in this place is one that stems directly from the bondage I see in the lives of my brothers as well... I feel the connection is stronger than I've ever given it credit to be. I feel that if our sisters are to know HEALING it will be as a direct result of we as brothers proclaiming our need for FREEDOM... it will be as our sisters pray and desperately ask God to RESTORE and REDEEM their relationships with their brothers in leading them to freedom and as we as men let ourselves be HUMBLED to the point of declaring WE NEED IT and we want to see them healed, nor for our sakes as men who are afraid to be alone, but so that they may know the love of this Father and His plan to give them protecting, strong, righteous, leading brothers... not that we may better know them, but that we may all better know our Saviour... I feel that the very wounds of our sisters are directly tied to our sins... that in turn their distance and fierce guarding of lives and loves and dreams is a reaction to our pride and self-indulgence. WE MUST SEEK HUMILITY... I am tired of simply wishing for my sisters to know they are beautiful... I long for them to know why. I am not one who will be content with letting them be confident in their flesh... no, I long for the redemption of their WHOLE identities. In turn, I do not wish that the men around me would simply learn a pure way to love... but learn a holy way to live... that the love they might one day express would be born of redemption and holiness and not desire or self. I don't know where I'm going with this any more... simply that I see it and don't know what to do... I see you... I see them... there's so much going on. PORN, Fathers, brothers, women, men... so much of it seems to be a direct attack on the idea of FAMILY... on the notion of individuality as somehow God's intention (I don't think it is)... it's an attack that brings separation and animosity between the second most natural relationship in history... that which occurs between man and woman. What do we do with this attack? I have yet to understand... but I long to see it rebuked... I long to be unquestioned in my motivation for taking the trash out for my sister or asking if they'd like to have dinner sometime. I long to see them healed, so that they will know what it means to have a brother for a husband and son... so that we will know the Truth... and that it might set us free. I'm done ranting... perhaps someday this stuff will be more organized.. I don't know... my heart is heavy.
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